Are you guys scared to CTB?

[Porcelaindreamer]

Like in the question. Are you scared ? How do you deal with the fear ? Are benzos enough to keep a person shut down the whole fear?

 

[J&L383]

I think the fear is natural. Benzos and alcohol, not necessary together, would dampen the fear. But ultimately you have to get past the fear and decide if that's what you really want to do. It's intellect versus emotions.

 

[NellyGoes]

Scared basically right before (in the moment)? Or do you mean like days/weeks before? If the latter no, I'm just scared something could go wrong. I'm not "right before" yet so don't know how I'll feel then.

 

[failedperson]

Drinking alcohol usually solves it, but this often doesn't solve your fears.

I've always thought about the causes of this fear: physical pain, the aftereffects of the wrong thing, the fear of post-hoc pain. Things like the question of whether it's true that something that can never exist in a static space after leaving is true.

The last time I tried and failed a CTB, I had this fear for my family. It's just that I'm leaving because I failed, and what if they try to follow me and blame themselves? The fear.

I'm sorry for my English. I'm using a translator.

 

[Forveleth]

Not scared at all. Death will be a welcome relief from suffering.

 

[homeboundcripple]

No, death comes to all; you're only hastening the inevitable anyway.

 

[unluckysadness]

The more I suffer every minute, the less I fear

 

[Spite]

I am, and it's practically the main reason I haven't done it yet. I'm most scared of messing it up somehow and ending up in even worse circumstances.

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

I Don't fear my Death but I wish I would die

what I fear is pain or failing a suicide attempt and remaining alive but with more brain damage or other damage

 

[kopebaldy]

Yeah, failed twice already.

When face-to-face with the noose, I had panic attack and couldn't do it.

 

[Xiaojiu]

I admit, I'm scared but it's mainly because of fear of unknown.

 

[failedmind]

I am. I think thats the main reason I haven't done it yet. I'm scared to fail but I'm also scared of what comes after this

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm only scared of trying to cease existing going wrong and leading to way worse suffering and torture, it's so terrifying to me how there is no limit as to how much agony one can feel in this existence that is an abomination to me.

All I want is to never suffer ever again, if I had the option to peacefully cease existing and finally be free from this torturous, deeply undesirable existence I always saw as a mistake I'd be long at peace but of course I exist in this horrific anti-suicide world where the suffering and torture of human existence is seen as to force and prolong no matter what even know it all just leads to decay and death anyway, it terrifies me how a human can be conscious in this existence for so long just to die in agony from old age.

 

[idiotmother]

Yes I'm scared for my family. I wish I hadn't been cursed like this. Goddamn pharmaceuticals ruined my life. Scared of what comes after and of the process of death itself. Wouldnt be here if I felt like I had a choice. I've gotten so sick I feel like there is no other option, but I'm terrified regardless.

 

[Porcelaindreamer]

Yes I'm scared for my family. I wish I hadn't been cursed like this. Goddamn pharmaceuticals ruined my life. Scared of what comes after and of the process of death itself. Wouldnt be here if I felt like I had a choice. I've gotten so sick I feel like there is no other option, but I'm terrified regardless.

How pharmaceuticals ruined your life if you do not mind me asking ?

 

[idiotmother]

How pharmaceuticals ruined your life if you do not mind me asking ?

I developed protracted withdrawal from Effexor, which the medical community doesn't acknowledge. I complicated it further by trying a supplement, which gave me a horrific reaction and I went to hospital. Discharged but without the meds that stabilized me, I felt suicidal again and my mom ended up calling cops on me which sent me back to hospital, but under involuntary hold. This meant they could do whatever they want and they forced me on anti psychotic. Tried tapering off of it, then bumped back up which screwed me up more. Ended up in hospital again and got put on another antipsychotic. These drugs haven't helped they have just made me worse and worse. I feel like a shell of a human, but any change screws me up and gives me Akathisia and such horrific anxiety I can't even explain it. Now I'm stuck. I want to taper off these poisons but it makes me sicker. My brain is damaged from all the chemical shifts and idk what to do anymore. My life has been taken from me. I've been such a loser and idiot. So much regret.

 

[Porcelaindreamer]

I developed protracted withdrawal from Effexor, which the medical community doesn't acknowledge. I complicated it further by trying a supplement, which gave me a horrific reaction and I went to hospital. Discharged but without the meds that stabilized me, I felt suicidal again and my mom ended up calling cops on me which sent me back to hospital, but under involuntary hold. This meant they could do whatever they want and they forced me on anti psychotic. Tried tapering off of it, then bumped back up which screwed me up more. Ended up in hospital again and got put on another antipsychotic. These drugs haven't helped they have just made me worse and worse. I feel like a shell of a human, but any change screws me up and gives me Akathisia and such horrific anxiety I can't even explain it. Now I'm stuck. I want to taper off these poisons but it makes me sicker. My brain is damaged from all the chemical shifts and idk what to do anymore. My life has been taken from me. I've been such a loser and idiot. So much regret.

I am so sorry that you are going through such a shit. I know that antiosychotics have very unpleasant side effects that is why I was avoiding them my whole life.

 

[Infinitespace_]

it just takes a single moment of courage and its over...

 

[kitkat9234]

I'm scared of failing again. Ending up worse if that is even possible. . Scared if I am successful. Scared of the process of dying and what comes after. Worried about my daughter. My SI is really bad. I don't know how to get past it.

I might be homeless soon though. If that happens I'll have no other choice. I'm hoping to be in such a state of crisis so I can just be like fuck it and try again.

 

[corpse]

I'm afraid that if I survive my CTB attempt, I'll end up in an even worse state mentally and physically than I already am, but that won't stop me from attempting CTB anyway.

 

[knickknack81]

Very scared. one of the reasons i have yet to seriously attempt CTB. Scared that it will be an extremely painful experience. Scared that I will mess things up and get things right and do more damage to my body. Scared i will live through this and have to explain what i did to everyone around me. Scared I will create a huge mess and hastle for people in my life. A lot of emotions just thinking about the act itself. Also, still unsure that it is the route I really want to take. It's the biggest decision/act a person can make and once I commit to it, I don't want to mess things up. So yes, I am petrified by it.

 

[idiotmother]

I am so sorry that you are going through such a shit. I know that antiosychotics have very unpleasant side effects that is why I was avoiding them my whole life.

Thanks, and good on you. Keep avoiding them, and any medication really. They're all toxic.

 

[uzl lover]

I'm just worried that something might go wrong and my CTB attempt will be very painful.

 

[mysideofthemountain]

Yes and no. I feel sort of trapped in the state where I know what is best for me and now it is just time to follow through, a state that is common with any sort of large decision in my experience.

 

[Eternal Disaster]

No, I am at peace with my decision.

 

[jag1]

More scared to fail and not CTB

 

[Wolf Girl]

I'm scared to die when I'm on a mood stabilizer. When I'm off my medication and go fully into my bipolar episodes then I am no longer afraid.

 

[plzoffme]

Not anymore, I am at the point of no return so I have fully accepted death. I am done with this human world...

 

[wakefulwanter]

Yeah I am. It's in a person's blood to want to survive. I've been suicidal on n off for an impossibly long time, considering I haven't succeeded with it yet. I think I'm most scared for things that are out of my control, even now while I'm alive. I'm not so much scared about the afterlife.

 

[undo445]

Not one bit