Are you better here suffering than not at all

[Jolene40]

I am so so desparate to end my physical suffering and rapid demise but every time i see my little one - which isnt often as im holed up in hoz - i feel such pain. I feel like i must endure this hell to save him from the agony of losing me. My life is intolerable hell on earth
Each minute kills me and the pain of being stuck in a bed looking out the window day after day wishing i could be with my son kills my soul.
I am getting worse but i know he would rather have me than me die - especially by my own hand or even Dignitas. The guilt kills me, the pain of leaving him kills me. I do not want to leave him at all but the physical torture is unbearable to me. Its only getting worse.

 

[SearchForPeace]

I'm deeply sorry for the physical and mentally suffering you, and many others have to endure. It's sad when we suffer physically/mentally and CTB becomes a reality. It's sad too when CTB comes to mind and you care for others and worry about the effects that it may have on loved ones. It's very hard. Especially with children. I think every loved one would rather have you here. But it's that question, would people rather live in suffering or to find peace. Ultimately is comes down to you to make this tough decision. There's no lying, both you and i know that your little one will miss you. It will be hard no matter what decision you choose. My personal opinion is that I do not wish to live in suffering, and rather be at peace.

 

[Final Escape]

Better if I was not here at all.

 

[Jolene40]

I'm deeply sorry for the physical and mentally suffering you, and many others have to endure. It's sad when we suffer physically/mentally and CTB becomes a reality. It's sad too when CTB comes to mind and you care for others and worry about the effects that it may have on loved ones. It's very hard. Especially with children. I think every loved one would rather have you here. But it's that question, would people rather live in suffering or to find peace. Ultimately is comes down to you to make this tough decision. There's no lying, both you and i know that your little one will miss you. It will be hard no matter what decision you choose. My personal opinion is that I do not wish to live in suffering, and rather be at peace.

Thankyou for your kind words.
He has already lost a huge part of me due to the state im in. I know it keeps him going knowing im there, speaking to me etc.
He is only 6. I know its a critical age. I think he is young enough to recover and have stability with his dad stepmum and siblings. The longer it goes on i worry the worse it will be for him losing me.

 

[SearchForPeace]

Thankyou for your kind words.
He has already lost a huge part of me due to the state im in. I know it keeps him going knowing im there, speaking to me etc.
He is only 6. I know its a critical age. I think he is young enough to recover and have stability with his dad stepmum and siblings. The longer it goes on i worry the worse it will be for him losing me.

People do and can recover from a death. It will be hard. Ultimately it comes down to what you believe. As you've stated you think he is "think he is young enough to recover and have stability with his dad stepmum and siblings". Awesome. As well as have stability. Amazing. He will not be alone if you decide to CTB. You have the right to no longer suffering, he will recover and understand once he's older. If you decide to CTB, how about writing a letter from him to open on his 18th? Just an idea.