Are you able to control your emotions to some degree, ignore them? Or you indulge?

[R_N]

Most of my life I thought what I felt was the truth and that I should entertain my emotions and impulses. Now I see myself as a robot, like any other being.

Even when something like empathy is hurting me, sometimes I step outside of myself for a minute and reject the idea of it. Then I am able not to feel it as much or at all, as scary as that sounds.

I always though perception doesn't matter. But when I observe my body, brain especially, as something robotic, I can devalue and reject what it tries to do. Mock it even.

But I do feel fear of letting go completely. Fear of the unknown and what could become of me if I see everything as meaningless.

 

[Unattainable666]

I have found as I get older I cry more easily. I hate it - people believe I'm weak because I am so emotional. but honestly if I didn't cry I'd probably be in jail for kicking somebody's ass

 

[R_N]

I have found as I get older I cry more easily. I hate it - people believe I'm weak because I am so emotional. but honestly if I didn't cry I'd probably be in jail for kicking somebody's ass

For me it is the opposite. I was very emotional when I was younger. I could cry rivers from just listening to a song.

Now I rarely do and even when it happens, as soon as my perception shifts, it stops. Because I devalued it completely by seeing it differently.

 

[Unattainable666]

For me it is the opposite. I was very emotional when I was younger. I could cry rivers from just listening to a song.

Now I rarely do and even when it happens, as soon as my perception shifts, it stops. Because I devalued it completely by seeing it differently.

Wish I was more like that

 

[R_N]

Wish I was more like that

Everything has pros and cons. For example I had more spirit before and now I don't. To feel more is to be alive more. To be human.

Overanalyzing everything to a point of devaluation makes things meaningless.

But it does help me cope with hell better I suppose.

 

[Mafaalu]

I cope like that aswell, that's why I always dive into some sort of entertainment and at night unfinished overanalyzing haunts me leaving me not being able to sleep.

As a male human I've always had a hard time dealing with sad emotions since for some reason I could not cry even if I wanted to. The last time I cried for real was through a japanese drama "1 litre of tears"(prob 5+ years ago?), recommended btw.
Either way I do understand you and you're not alone with it, I'm also coping till I can't anymore and lash out at someone if they drive me to insanity, unfortunately ending up being the sole reason for not having real friends or family I guess.

Most of the time I ignore them since I'm bad with dealing with myself(even though it's impossible to ignore mostly), but I occasionally am able to vent through taking aggressive walks while listening to music on 100% on my headphones giving zero fucks about my surroundings and trying to reach as many steps as I can(recently).
Anyways this is only coping while most of the time I don't really take my emotions seriously and let myself become numb to emotions not being able to process and progress.

When you say "reject the idea of it" and "mock it even", I do get what you mean and I've had that phenomenon happen to me aswell. But completely ignoring emotions always had me ending up worse than facing the pain and giving it decent thought, being forced to overthink though is really a pain in the ass and also happens to me literally all the time.
I've recently had a outburst of emotions inside and what I did was that aggressive walk and every once in a while one person or a group that crossed my path I would take out my anger on them in my fantasy slitting their throat and dark shit like that.
I can't really recommend that all that much since I don't know what that does with you, something changes within you when you imagine inflicting pain upon others I feel like.

I had a "meaningless" episode throughout my teenage years, asking the questions apperently no one had time for and everyone seems to dodge. Why am I here, who created this world... every question a human asks himself when growing up. My conclusion so far, "god" whatever it may be exists for a fact and I believe there is some purpose but at the same time that purpose which gives us meaning is unreachable in this life. The human mind just stops working at some point when trying to understand concepts that go beyond us.
Doens't btw mean that I see meaning in everything now, I still ask myself if there is any point living this life that apperently only shows dystopian characteristic but I am clinging onto that little hope I have left seeing my future play out and hoping for that karma concept to be true - and if not in this life, maybe in a possible afterlife.

But yea sharing this experience of mine might give you some new idea or perspective for yourself.

 

[R_N]

I cope like that aswell, that's why I always dive into some sort of entertainment and at night unfinished overanalyzing haunts me leaving me not being able to sleep.

As a male human I've always had a hard time dealing with sad emotions since for some reason I could not cry even if I wanted to. The last time I cried for real was through a japanese drama "1 litre of tears"(prob 5+ years ago?), recommended btw.
Either way I do understand you and you're not alone with it, I'm also coping till I can't anymore and lash out at someone if they drive me to insanity, unfortunately ending up being the sole reason for not having real friends or family I guess.

Most of the time I ignore them since I'm bad with dealing with myself(even though it's impossible to ignore mostly), but I occasionally am able to vent through taking aggressive walks while listening to music on 100% on my headphones giving zero fucks about my surroundings and trying to reach as many steps as I can(recently).
Anyways this is only coping while most of the time I don't really take my emotions seriously and let myself become numb to emotions not being able to process and progress.

When you say "reject the idea of it" and "mock it even", I do get what you mean and I've had that phenomenon happen to me aswell. But completely ignoring emotions always had me ending up worse than facing the pain and giving it decent thought, being forced to overthink though is really a pain in the ass and also happens to me literally all the time.
I've recently had a outburst of emotions inside and what I did was that aggressive walk and every once in a while one person or a group that crossed my path I would take out my anger on them in my fantasy slitting their throat and dark shit like that.
I can't really recommend that all that much since I don't know what that does with you, something changes within you when you imagine inflicting pain upon others I feel like.

I had a "meaningless" episode throughout my teenage years, asking the questions apperently no one had time for and everyone seems to dodge. Why am I here, who created this world... every question a human asks himself when growing up. My conclusion so far, "god" whatever it may be exists for a fact and I believe there is some purpose but at the same time that purpose which gives us meaning is unreachable in this life. The human mind just stops working at some point when trying to understand concepts that go beyond us.
Doens't btw mean that I see meaning in everything now, I still ask myself if there is any point living this life that apperently only shows dystopian characteristic but I am clinging onto that little hope I have left seeing my future play out and hoping for that karma concept to be true - and if not in this life, maybe in a possible afterlife.

But yea sharing this experience of mine might give you some new idea or perspective for yourself.

I am not spiritual at all anymore. I just see myself and others as robots driven by their brains. That is how I devalue my emotions sometimes as something animalistic. I don't give them value.

I am kinda nihilistic but not completely I guess. I don't know how to describe it. I just don't believe in anything I did as my younger self and I see the world very differently. There is no much depth in it. Just biology.

 

[Mafaalu]

I for my part see almost everything deterministic to the point of unable to use my mind, seeing all of this life of mine and others as nothing other than "code". We live through what we are destined to and there is someone/thing who did the coding for the world and it's inhabitant, since shit just doesn't exist out of nothing in my eyes(atleast this world doesn't suggest that) and was created by someone/thing for whatever reason. I call that someone/thing "god" and creating this world with its laws including biology is atleast more powerful than any being in this world.

That's about it when it comes to my "spirtuality", it's more in a fact & experience direction than "belief". So in that part about seeing each other as robots we are not far of, I simply live through it hoping to end up somewhere better than where I am now. That wasn't always the case for me since life proves you more than often wrong and make it look like false hope, still it's more liveable that way for me than a nihilistic approach.

You don't have to describe it further, I know exactly what you mean and have lived a couple years like that myself already and I wouldn't even say im not that way anymore - I still see no point in emotion, religion... etc other than not doing nothing. And that's basically it, I hate doing nothing since it makes myself a pointless being which results in just more pain for me, that's why I cope with the unknown and hope to fake purpose that way I guess?

In the end I'm simply walking the path that was created for me, doesn't mean I'm not gonna walk it.

 

[crxssedho3]

I wish I could control my emotions. When I was younger it was way easier to suck it up and not let anyone see me cry. Doing that for so long kinda fucked me over though and now I'm so sensitive. When I'm feeling good it's the best thing in the world but feeling bad for too long because of how extremely I feel emotions, can lead to some really bad impulses / sh etc. What you said about stepping out of yourself seems so relatable though, sometimes I can take a look at how I'm acting outside of myself or in the moment know if being dramatic or emotional or crazy, or not any of those things at all and still do nothing about it. I hate stressing myself out hating myself even more when I could just let my lows be low even if it does hurt me. It just makes me feel like my heart can explode from how much it all affects me. So the best I can do is ignore it and smoke so much I feel nothing extremely anymore. That helps too.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I probably over indulge in my emotions. I'm often very conscious of how I feel.