Discussion Are more afraid of surviving rather than dying?

[dogemn]

When I think of CTBing with SN I'm so afraid of failing and being rescued. I already survived a heroin + alcohol overdose that landed me in the ICU for three days and it was absolute hell. The possibility of going through anything like that again (or worse, suffering severe brain damage) is just terrifying.

 

[AMutatedFlower]

Being terrified of surviving is justified, having survived a suicide attempt that gave me brain damage. You need to be certain you can CTB.

 

[DeadManLiving]

Yes

 

[OnMyLast Legs]

Another fear. Even if I pulled off partial hanging to unconsciousness I could be found or could spasm out of it with brain damage, pull down the closet rod, etc. Nothing is guaranteed short of euthanasia. People even miss with shotguns.

 

[meowzers3276]

ive already sustained body and brain damage from repeated failed OD attempts in my teens, shockingly that isnt my primary fear with survival. if i survive this time as an adult, i'm not sure how forgiving my job would be if i suddenly had to miss days/weeks from a failed attempt. i fear failing, surviving, and then losing my very means of survival due to failed ctb. so much pressure

 

[elenaboo25]

Yes, I'm much more afraid of surviving an attempt than actually dying. If I'm dead, I'm dead. But if I survive an attempt, I am likely to be in a worse position, physically, mentally and socially, than I am now. And now is already bad.

 

[meowzers3276]

yes!!! ive already failed many attempts, some i got caught some no one knows. but my own father told me he doesnt care if i live or die after a failed attempt. it is so humiliating and i never ever want anyone to discover me and save me ever again

 

[egyptian_baddie]

my own father told me he doesnt care if i live or die after a failed attempt

My father told me the exact same thing, he said if i do it again, that i should do it outside the house. Thats why i am scared to do it and surviving , my body will not be able to handle any more humiliation

 

[meowzers3276]

My father told me the exact same thing, he said if i do it again, that i should do it outside the house. Thats why i am scared to do it and surviving , my body will not be able to handle any more humiliation

exactly-- and i cant stand the preconception that my dad seems to hold that i do not truly want to die or that my attempts are for frivolous reasons such as attention etc. idk if yours is the same but parents like this seem to have a hive mind! i wish you the best, though!!

 

[FuneralCry]

Yes, that's certainly what I fear, I find it so horrific how trying to cease existing can go wrong and lead to way worse torture and suffering as a result in this terrible, dreadful existence where there is no limit as to how much agony one can feel, the fact that the option of guaranteed peaceful death is denied is such a terrible crime to me.

The fact that people even have to fear this happening is such terrible extreme cruelty, it's just so horrific to me how we exist in this anti-suicide world where the suffering and torture of existing is seen as to force and prolong no matter what, there's just so much evil in anti-suicide, all I want is to cease existing peacefully with this dreadful, harmful existence finally all gone and forgotten. To suffer in this existence is just always an abomination to me and it's one that just causes all this terrible torture and suffering, simply just existing is enough to make me wish for peace from the dreadful mistake of existence.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Yeah, definitely. The thought of surviving with long- term health complications is terrifying. Plus- anything that would follow. A stay in a psyche ward, everyone finding out, compromised finances. Maybe not being able to work afterwards. It really has to work on the first round of attempts for me.

 

[Defatigatis]

I'm really sorry for all of you guys.. this place is already hell.