Venting Anyone suicidal due to detransition?

[neurotoxic]

Not the only cause, I've been suicidal for awhile. but past five months I've been detransitioning after transitioning medically for about nine years and being out for longer. I know there are a lot of trans people on here (which breaks my heart) but just wanna be clear I'm not one of "those" detrans ppl. Just doing it out of idk, too many bad experiences due to being trans even after I passed. Detransitioning really has been the icing on the suicide cake, maybe its been a form of pushing myself to fucking do it, I don't know what I'm doing. I don't want to be male, and yet I've taken drastic steps to undo things that made me very happy for a long time. I just needed to be a more survivable person and unfortunately that person had to be a cis man. It's unfortunate that is has made things easier, which doesn't make me less suicidal but enabled me to stick around longer. It allowed me to get a new job quick after I quit my old one. Job hunting is easier when you're (newly) cis and a man. last time I was looking for a job it took me months. took me less than a week this last time. It makes interactions easier. My extended family speaks to me again.

Oh well, gave it a good run. Woulda worked great if I was stronger.

 

[Kadaver]

I'm so sorry you had to detransition. I'm trans and suicidal because I don't have access to any care. I wish we could just be accepted for who we are. Why does everything have to be so difficult and painful?