Anyone notice the longer they live the worse things get?

[bigj75]

I feel like i need to ctb soon before some really bad shit happens. Shit has already gotten bad enough but i have a feeling shit will get even worse like it has been the more i stall ctb'ing. It's just not looking good.

 

[Mylifeispointless]

Yes. Personally it got worst more than i could imagined. 20 years ago i was hopeful that it will get better but it never did shit keeps piling up in my life. That there is no way out but to die. That's why im leaving this world this january. I can't live feeling like this.

 

[bigj75]

Yes. Personally it got worst more than i could imagined. 20 years ago i was hopeful that it will get better but it never did shit keeps piling up in my life. That there is no way out but to die. That's why im leaving this world this january. I can't live feeling like this.

Whats your method?

 

[Anterograde]

I have something bad I did in my past catching up to me, may or may not happen but its on my mind 24/7 so its eating me alive anyway. On top of that my 15 year marriage is ending and my job security is looking shaky. I can see things sliding down hill a lot further from here. I can't see any way to "fix" things, the harder I try the more it falls apart.

I am currently 50/50 on if I should keep going, my single source of comfort is I can CTB at any time, its the ONE thing I have control over. I am currently giving it time to see if things work out worst or best case, or somewhere in the middle.

I also feel like I am stalling CTB, many would call it giving life a chance first, it feels terrible what ever you call it.

 

[Mylifeispointless]

Whats your method?

The classic hanging. I failed many times at partial but if the day comes i have no choice but to do the full hanging. I'm scared to be honest.

 

[bigj75]

I have something bad I did in my past catching up to me, may or may not happen but its on my mind 24/7 so its eating me alive anyway. On top of that my 15 year marriage is ending and my job security is looking shaky. I can see things sliding down hill a lot further from here. I can't see any way to "fix" things, the harder I try the more it falls apart.

I am currently 50/50 on if I should keep going, my single source of comfort is I can CTB at any time, its the ONE thing I have control over. I am currently giving it time to see if things work out worst or best case, or somewhere in the middle.

I also feel like I am stalling CTB, many would call it giving life a chance first, it feels terrible what ever you call it.

What's your method?

 

[bigj75]

The classic hanging. I failed many times at partial but if the day comes i have no choice but to do the full hanging. I'm scared to be honest.

Me to. But I'm so determined that I'll use a gun if i have to.

 

[wanttodie]

yes they do

 

[Anterograde]

What's your method?

Exit bag with inert Gas, one of the harder methods to set up, but most peaceful and least scary imo.

I learnt a few months ago a old work mate used this method, so if he can do it I can too. I was already thinking of this method but his death reinforced my thoughts.

 

[Taylored]

I noticed as soon as I hit 15 stuff went tumbling downhill fast.

 

[Kyrok]

Ups and downs. Most of my 20s were good. 30s mixed, 40s better, 50s horrid.

 

[21Neberg]

Things certainly do get worse as you get older. You only get more problems, but old problems don't go away as easily as new ones come.

 

[iiii5555]

I've been extremely suicidal since i was 13, but since i hitted 15, things just got unbearable then.

Life is the accumulation of hardships and traumas. Nobody is immune to the blade of time; destruction is the only certainty in this existence.

 

[Ashpac]

I feel like i need to ctb soon before some really bad shit happens. Shit has already gotten bad enough but i have a feeling shit will get even worse like it has been the more i stall ctb'ing. It's just not looking good.

Agree with this massively. Ive noticed my life getting worse every year, less happiness, less friends, etc but i do gain more depression, anger, hatred and bad luck. Funny how that works out.

 

[JustAboutDone]

I love it (not) when Shiny Happy people tell me, "Well, Life Is Full Of Ups And Downs"
and I sort of look at them blankly for a bit as they carry on washing their cars or whatever.

And I want to scream.

Because when the downs hit you it's like being buried at the bottom of a 300ft well. With no light. No rope. No ladder. And you can't swim. And then it feels like the water gets colder and colder and more choppy.

Edit: returning after coffee infusion.
I don't know if life gets 'better' but I think your perspective on it can change. I did like reading @TiredHorse thread on small comforts because even people wanting to ctb can take a moment to try and catch some breath - either between attempts or just gathering energy.

It's difficult to try anything that involves doing things for yourself or loving yourself if you've not been conditioned to do that from childhood. It's a hard thing to learn to do but as @ReadyasEver taught me this week, there is comfort in the little things at times.

 

[Miss clefable]

Yes and it's only gonna get worse

 

[seekingoblivion]

I love it (not) when Shiny Happy people tell me, "Well, Life Is Full Of Ups And Downs"
and I sort of look at them blankly for a bit as they carry on washing their cars or whatever.

And I want to scream.

Because when the downs hit you it's like being buried at the bottom of a 300ft well. With no light. No rope. No ladder. And you can't swim. And then it feels like the water gets colder and colder and more choppy.

Edit: returning after coffee infusion.
I don't know if life gets 'better' but I think your perspective on it can change. I did like reading @TiredHorse thread on small comforts because even people wanting to ctb can take a moment to try and catch some breath - either between attempts or just gathering energy.

It's difficult to try anything that involves doing things for yourself or loving yourself if you've not been conditioned to do that from childhood. It's a hard thing to learn to do but as @ReadyasEver taught me this week, there is comfort in the little things at times.

The ups and down thing is basically true but it all depends. Sometimes downs outnumber the ups and vise versa. Sometimes ups are worth the downs and sometimes they're not. Everyone has moments where they feel even a little good about being alive. But similarly everyone has moments when the worthlessness of being alive is flashing like a big bright neon sign in Las Vegas. A lot of us here either haven't experienced enough ups to challenge the downs or we just deem the ups to be unworthy relative to the downs. Whatever the case, simply mentioning that life is full of ups and downs doesn't exactly seem helpful and can, quite frankly, get annoying sometimes.

 

[seekingoblivion]

Yeah it's gotten worse. I sort of predicted it actually. I was hopeful that things wouldn't get to where they are now but when I took stock of everything in my life it just looked like things were meant to go down hill.

 

[Shewaitsforme]

Strange one for me. The longer im here not necessarily will it be worse but it could infact give me the chance to fully turn things around BUT it could increase the chance of things having time for things to fall apart again. Thats my biggest worry something happening that i just cant cope with again. So i deal with it by just carrying on knowing that i have SN, antienemics and acid reducers tucked away in the kitchen. I realised that personally i can only give myself a real chance if i have a method close to hand. I dont open the cupboard its in, sometimes i even forget its there, the suicidal thoughts havnt left, they just arnt as strong as they once were. Im not cured im just trying because i owe myself that one last chance. Nothing is going to fix what brought me here but maybe one day it wont hurt so much. How long i dont know its impossible for me to say, ill never be pro-life just right now living is for me.

 

[Deleted member 4993]

We all hope the future will get better :-) sadly for many of us it doesn't. We finally realise it's a lifelong struggle against the odds and weariness grinds us down. Just my own opinion.

 

[MsM3talGamer]

Indeed every year alive has got worse and worse. Every time I think that things can't get any worse, I find that the universe has another shitcake up its sleeve for me. I constantly feel that I'm being punished because I didn't CTB years ago.

 

[Deleted member 4993]

We think alike :-)

 

[TheCrow]

I love it (not) when Shiny Happy people tell me, "Well, Life Is Full Of Ups And Downs"
and I sort of look at them blankly for a bit as they carry on washing their cars or whatever.

And I want to scream.

Because when the downs hit you it's like being buried at the bottom of a 300ft well. With no light. No rope. No ladder. And you can't swim. And then it feels like the water gets colder and colder and more choppy.

Edit: returning after coffee infusion.
I don't know if life gets 'better' but I think your perspective on it can change. I did like reading @TiredHorse thread on small comforts because even people wanting to ctb can take a moment to try and catch some breath - either between attempts or just gathering energy.

It's difficult to try anything that involves doing things for yourself or loving yourself if you've not been conditioned to do that from childhood. It's a hard thing to learn to do but as @ReadyasEver taught me this week, there is comfort in the little things at times.

Oh, love—it's hard for me to have to envision you feeling this way when you are such a warm and caring person! I was happy to see the edit! xo

 

[JustAboutDone]

Oh, love—it's hard for me to have to envision you feeling this way when you are such a warm and caring person! I was happy to see the edit! xo

I hate waking up - I always have nightmares, takes me a while to readjust every day

 

[Thewhowithin69]

Sounds like me, except even my 20's leaned heavily to the negative....but bottom line it is definitely headed in the wrong direction as we age and I'm not liking my odds anymore. This coming from a typical idealist!!
But hey at least there were some good years in there ,no??

 

[TheCrow]

I hate waking up - I always have nightmares, takes me a while to readjust every day

Ugh, I'm sorry. That's awful. Any recurring theme to them? Sending love to you every morning with your cup of coffee! xo

 

[JustAboutDone]

Sounds like me, except even my 20's leaned heavily to the negative....but bottom line it is definitely headed in the wrong direction as we age and I'm not liking my odds anymore. This coming from a typical idealist!!
But hey at least there were some good years in there ,no??

Good music in the eighties there was... and hair. @Johnnythefox had an amazing moustache

 

[Ashpac]

Strange one for me. The longer im here not necessarily will it be worse but it could infact give me the chance to fully turn things around BUT it could increase the chance of things having time for things to fall apart again. Thats my biggest worry something happening that i just cant cope with again. So i deal with it by just carrying on knowing that i have SN, antienemics and acid reducers tucked away in the kitchen. I realised that personally i can only give myself a real chance if i have a method close to hand. I dont open the cupboard its in, sometimes i even forget its there, the suicidal thoughts havnt left, they just arnt as strong as they once were. Im not cured im just trying because i owe myself that one last chance. Nothing is going to fix what brought me here but maybe one day it wont hurt so much. How long i dont know its impossible for me to say, ill never be pro-life just right now living is for me.

Good luck for giving it one last chance. I did the same not long ago, it didnt work out for me. Now i wished i hadnt of bothered but i hope it works out for you.

 

[15dec]

The worst is when everything seems to be going well and improving, maybe even being good, right before something happens reminding you that you're stuck in your own personal hell and that it's hust going to get worse and worse.

 

[couragetodie]

yeah my biggest driver for ctb is the belief that my future will yield just a terrible existence for me. this is without a doubt the main driver.