Anyone have a reason to go on?

[Remember]

At this point I'm struggling to have a reason to keep going aside from "it would make people sad if you died" which is a shitty motivation to will myself out of bed in the morning. I'm not feeling very hopeful about the future and the pain just keeps growing. I wish I could just google this but I know I'd get nothing but hotlines and people saying "don't do it, you have so much to live for!"

 

[cookiencream]

At this point I'm struggling to have a reason to keep going aside from "it would make people sad if you died" which is a shitty motivation to will myself out of bed in the morning. I'm not feeling very hopeful about the future and the pain just keeps growing. I wish I could just google this but I know I'd get nothing but hotlines and people saying "don't do it, you have so much to live for!"

Normal people don't need a reason to get up...they just do. It shocked me realizing it but it's true. I personally have no reason so I can't help you with that specially but I just wanted to explain why most people have pretty crappy or unconvincing answers.

 

[Lyn]

At this point I'm struggling to have a reason to keep going aside from "it would make people sad if you died" which is a shitty motivation to will myself out of bed in the morning. I'm not feeling very hopeful about the future and the pain just keeps growing. I wish I could just google this but I know I'd get nothing but hotlines and people saying "don't do it, you have so much to live for!"

Sometimes I wonder if there is even one. Mostly, I'm just trying to keep exhausting all options available. That's just how I am.

But at this point it doesn't even depend on me that much.
So... Whatever happens, I'll just want to be ready for the final outcome.

 

[Hellis]

there's a couple different answers I have to this, the one I go with usually depends how bad a day I have.

Answer 1: life is what you make of it blah blah you know the drill. My reason for going on is the knowledge that it'll likely get better for me at some point.

Answer 2: fuck no, life is meaningless.

Today is an answer 2 kinda day

 

[Hollowman]

I'm trying to outlast my mom but I'm so far beyond sick and tired of everything.

 

[IAm_AllofMe]

The only things keeping me going right now are my Youtube videos, and my interest in history and science.

Beyond that, life is shit.

My family doesn't give a damn about my feelings. No one ever has.

I'm just continuing until I can find a reasonable way out, really.

 

[Remember]

Normal people don't need a reason to get up...they just do. It shocked me realizing it but it's true. I personally have no reason so I can't help you with that specially but I just wanted to explain why most people have pretty crappy or unconvincing answers.

This is crazy to me. So many days I'm late to work because I spend my first half hour of being awake thinking what is even the point of being here...

Sometimes I wonder if there is even one. Mostly, I'm just trying to keep exhausting all options available. That's just how I am.

But at this point it doesn't even depend on me that much.
So... Whatever happens, I'll just want to be ready for the final outcome.

When you look at it that way you have to be pretty determined to keep going. It's demoralizing every time I get my hopes up for something new just to get let down.

there's a couple different answers I have to this, the one I go with usually depends how bad a day I have.

Answer 1: life is what you make of it blah blah you know the drill. My reason for going on is the knowledge that it'll likely get better for me at some point.

Answer 2: fuck no, life is meaningless.

Today is an answer 2 kinda day

I'd like to believe things will get better. That one day feeling this way will be a sad memory fading into the background. I guess hope for the future *is* a reason to live.

I'm trying to outlast my mom but I'm so far beyond sick and tired of everything.

I feel you. Many days I've felt paralyzed and broken about this exact thing. I can't live as a reject of life, but I also can't die because of the pain it would cause my mom.

The only things keeping me going right now are my Youtube videos, and my interest in history and science.

Beyond that, life is shit.

My family doesn't give a damn about my feelings. No one ever has.

I'm just continuing until I can find a reasonable way out, really.

I do like some good youtube videos, that will have to do for today!


And I hope you find people who care about and respect your feelings some day. Everyone deserves to be treated with humanity.

 

[Lyn]

When you look at it that way you have to be pretty determined to keep going. It's demoralizing every time I get my hopes up for something new just to get let down.

Well my determination stems from somebody who is dependent on me. So i just don't have any other choice, until I exhaust all options. It doesn't get my hopes up though.

 

[usernamesarehard]

To answer the thread question: no
I'm thinking about ctb later this year in November. I'm pretty much done. I hate life and I hate being me.

Things never actually get better. Maybe they improve for a little while, but then things turn to shit again and you're left wondering why you even tried.

At this point I'm struggling to have a reason to keep going aside from "it would make people sad if you died" which is a shitty motivation to will myself out of bed in the morning.

Yeah, maybe I'm a monster, but the whole 'family/friends would be sad' thing doesn't really matter to me. Weirdly enough though, I wouldn't be able to ctb if I had a partner. I don't think I could do that to them. Or kids. But I'm not creating a kid just to not ctb.

Well, idk if it doesn't matter, so much as I'm able to justify why it shouldn't matter to them.

I'm not feeling very hopeful about the future and the pain just keeps growing.

Yeah, this is why I want to ctb. I don't want to be alone, but I just can't get a partner. I don't really understand what's going on at my job and feel inadequate and useless. I'm terrified of getting a different job because of the chance of being laid off, which isn't much of a concern at my current job. My boyfriend dumped me because he fell out of love with me. I feel like I can't be good enough for anyone. And I'm so tired.

I JUST got over the feeling of heartbreak even though he dumped me 2 months ago. That was a miserable 2 months.

I've been more suicidal than normal since the break up, but now I feel like I'm finally at a place where I don't want to ctb because of the breakup, but rather because I can't see a future where I'm happy and because I can't run away from being myself.

 

[Remember]

Yeah, this is why I want to ctb. I don't want to be alone, but I just can't get a partner. I don't really understand what's going on at my job and feel inadequate and useless. I'm terrified of getting a different job because of the chance of being laid off, which isn't much of a concern at my current job. My boyfriend dumped me because he fell out of love with me. I feel like I can't be good enough for anyone. And I'm so tired.

I relate to this so hard. I really just want to love and be loved, I wish I had a good boyfriend but I'm a total failure when it comes to dating. It's so hard to find someone compatible and so easy to fuck things up. My longest relationship lasted maybe a month. I also think dating apps and social media made an already difficult endeavor damn near impossible for people like me...

And I'm sorry your ex left you feeling like you aren't good enough, heart break is really agonizing.

 

[FoxSauce]

Moslty fear of where I'll go and leaving someone traumatized. I just dont wanna hurt anyone

Idk if tbat counts as a reason

 

[Sabrinaxox]

I have many reasons to go on but unfortunately my physical pain and illness is a much louder voice. I truly wish things get better for you, and everyone else in this thread

 

[usernamesarehard]

I relate to this so hard. I really just want to love and be loved, I wish I had a good boyfriend but I'm a total failure when it comes to dating. It's so hard to find someone compatible and so easy to fuck things up. My longest relationship lasted maybe a month. I also think dating apps and social media made an already difficult endeavor damn near impossible for people like me...

Yeah, things are rough out here. I met my ex at work, but I don't really have any interest in trying to date another co-worker for a variety of reasons. I don't have any social groups I'm a part of, no clubs or anything, so can't find people that way. We were together for a year and while things were pretty bad in the beginning (mostly due to me), things were actually going really well, and then he said he didn't love me anymore.

I've been on dating apps for a few months now, I'm giving up on those. I've been on all the popular ones (eharmony, pof, tinder, okc, etc.) and only got one guy who seemed interested in actually trying to date. I plan on going bar hopping with my ex sometime, so maybe I'll find something that way, probably not though. Oh well, I plan to ctb in November anyway, so I guess it doesn't matter that much.

And I'm sorry your ex left you feeling like you aren't good enough, heart break is really agonizing.

Thank you. I met up with him recently and mentioned that I wasn't good enough for him, he said that the break up wasn't about that, but I can't see what else it could be. Yeah, our relationship was rocky in the beginning, but when he broke up with me things were actually going really good, he even admitted that he took a month to think about if he wanted to break up because nothing had actually happened recently. It wasn't the sex, we had sex pretty frequently and we both agreed that the sex was good. He says he loves me, but only as a friend, so it's not like he has no feelings for me. In fact the other night he texted me that he 'really loved me', but he was on shrooms at the time, so....
I think that's why it was so hard to get over him. Because anytime he wasn't sober he'd say or do things that made it seem like he still wanted to be with me, but then when whatever he was on wore off, he'd be back to saying he doesn't have any romantic feelings for me.
I'm over him now, for the most part. If he wanted to try again, I wouldn't say no, but I've accepted that that's not going to happen and am now just making plans to ctb.

Sorry for the long rant. I just needed to get this off my chest.

 

[lawlietsph]

it's actually quite pathetic but the only thing i can think of is food. unless you are at a part where you have no appetite anymore
biting into a good piece of food is awesome
but..
other than the 2 second joy that comes from it? no, there is nothing... i can't think of anything else yeah it's not a very good reason i know :( i am so sorry

 

[kopebaldy]

Foods and videogames.

Had to sell my PC because I'm broke so pretty much only foods left.

 

[Eriktf]

there no beer in heaven, thats a reason to stay alive but seriously i dont have any reason other then im a pussy that cant fight the SI

 

[sandstone8251]

I have many creative projects I'd like to complete. This is the one thing that keeps me alive, so far. Everything else seems very trivial in comparison. This is why, if you're on the fence about CTB, I recommend trying to finish some insignificant creative project. It's helped me in the past. Unfortunately it's all catching up to me now and there is no escape.

 

[Bowerbird]

1. To thrive and persist out of spite,
2. My birds.
3. And of course, my soul mate (whos *gasp* a real living, breathing human!!!)

 

[tercermundista]

NO

 

[Danby]

My daughters, especially my youngest.

 

[cowplantabduction]

My hamster. He needs me, if I die before he does I don't know what will happen to him. He'll probably get sent to a shelter and given subpar care, many people don't know anything about correct hamster care since there's so much misinformation spread by pop culture. He lives in a nice 40 gallon tank with plenty of bedding to burrow in, a large wheel, a sandbath, lots of enrichment and things to chew on but if he was sent to a shelter/rehomed he'd probably end up in a tiny cramped cage.

I'm gonna try to hang on for his sake no matter how bad things get. But once he goes, I go.

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

I have no reason to go on .

only reason i'm still here is fear of failing a suicide attempt and being left in worse condition more brain damage or more physical damage

when i think about it logically and rationally i would never think anything in life or this world is a reason to go on.

all the garbage i do like watching youtube videos are just prgrammed pleasure addictions : habits formed especially from 0-18 as i did things like that media, youtube , tv , screen time, social media , news ,sports watching , movies , videos . i did that practically all day every day so that's what i became.

but when i thought about it rationally all that garbage is meaningless. the pleasure addictions just steal my time that i could be using to get my goal ready to go defeating si etc my goal of suicide asap. the pleasure addictions fool me and make me forget temporarily about how evil life and this world is. so i hate the pleasure addicions more than the threat of extreme suffering . because the threat of extreme suffering shows me reality while the pleasure addictions fool me and hide reality .

i can't separate the pleasure addictions from the worst pain because they both part of the same evil life and same evil world. so imo i can't pick and choose and say i'll do this youutbe watching but never have to worry about the most extreme torture, the worst pain, the worst suffering . they are the same thing . 2 sides of the same coin. but nothing is worth even 10 seconds of the worst constant worst pain.

but even if there were no pain or suffering . those addictions are not "me" .those are things my brain was programmed with by me repeatedly all day partaking in them . so became addicted , obsessed. it's a compulsion similar or ocd because they are so deeeply and so widely programmed into my brain "this is what i do" . but they were programmed into me when i didn't really have huge problems was young and when i was a kid 0-18 when i didn't know how the brain worked and that you become what you think about or do most of the time.

 

[TAW122]

I personally don't and most of the time, it's just biding time, coping, and waiting for the right time and circumstance before pulling the trigger (figuratively and metaphorically) for me.

 

[ididnotconsent]

Fear and procrastination.

 

[hippiedeath]

I enjoy food and physical pleasure. I'm depressed, but I enjoy life's pleasures. I just can't stand people, especially stupid people in large groups. It's an existential angst. I have lost all hope of having a normal life. I'm on the fence about what kind of life I can have. Tired of everything except nature.

 

[thankyouforthis]

At this point I'm struggling to have a reason to keep going aside from "it would make people sad if you died" which is a shitty motivation to will myself out of bed in the morning. I'm not feeling very hopeful about the future and the pain just keeps growing. I wish I could just google this but I know I'd get nothing but hotlines and people saying "don't do it, you have so much to live for!"

It's actually REALLY HARD to CTB. You're more likely to fuck it up than you are to succeed. Hope this at least stands out and gives you a chuckle amid all of the others-would-be-sad type stuff, but I'm also being serious. I've tried and failed. I'm sure others here have, too. There are sometimes detrimental long-term effects, depending on how you try (to your bodily health, physical ability/use of this or that part of yourself, mental acuity, etc.). This can make an already shitty life even shittier-- without ending it.

Try that one on for a while, see how it fits.

 

[L1feless]

i have no reasons to go on, just delaying ctb because of worry that the attempt will fail, plus still looking for the most suitable method for me.

 

[-nobodyknows-]

I don't, unfortunately. I really wish I did though, and I'm trying to find something to hold on to. But even if I did, I don't really know if that would be the right thing to do. It would probably wind up being another person, and I don't think that would be good for them.

 

[darksouls]

no
I have lost everything
I am still here because SI and the fear of death