Well yeah, it's pretty much abuse what they are doing to you. They are not allowing you to have your own life, to be yourself. They are not allowing you to have a friend you can talk to when you're not feeling well without fear of being judged. Instead of acting like parents who are there for their child no matter whether the child is happy or sad, they are projecting their own selfish desires onto you, who they want you to be, and masking it as having the best intentions. It's completely understandable and NORMAL to feel depressed under such circumstances.
Let me tell you this. I lost one parent, my mother, when I was still a teenager, and my father pretty much neglected me from that point on. He never talked to me about my problems, nor did he pay attention to my mental or physical health. God, I never really even had my own room, my private space, in our flat. He never allowed me to become independent. Instead, I had to fight to break free from him, and he was constantly fighting against it because he's a control freak who wants to have everything under his control and sees his children merely as extensions of himself rather than as separate, unique human beings.
Now, when I look back, it's not that I blame my mom as well, but even when I had both of my parents, it feels like I was living in a psychological torture chamber. Later, after she died, when I complained to my dad about my problems and started failing in high school (even though during elementary school I was one of the best students in my class), instead of understanding and support, all I got was blame. But to be honest, it was probably a self-defense mechanism on his side. His reason was probably telling him that he was a direct contributor to my terrible state, but his pride and narcissism didn't allow him to admit that he wasn't a good father and that his methods were ineffective, to put it mildly.
But now when I look back, I know it's not my fault that I didn't succeed in life. It's simply a logical consequence of all the circumstances that preceded it. So I don't care what anyone says. I know that I did my best at the given moment, and if anyone tries to judge me for my decisions, I will politely tell them to f*** off.
And yeah, I was depressed and had frequent suicidal thoughts, especially during my late teens and early twenties, but thankfully I've learned how to deal with those negative emotions. Now I'm just living. Yeah, the trade-off was becoming pretty cynical as I'm entering my late twenties, but honestly, I don't see that as a bad thing, especially since I care less and less about what other people think about me.
So again, whatever you are feeling right now because your parents treat you that way, it's totally understandable and normal. Just give yourself some time to process all of those emotions and be kind to yourself
