Anyone else have a good life and completely f it up?

[Failure21]

At one point I had a ton of friends. I had graduated from college with a degree in a field I really enjoyed and I was even talking to a girl who I still consider the love of my life. Short of miraculously becoming a billionaire, I couldn't think of a way my life could be better. But due to my own pride, insecurities and other shortcomings I have absolutely nothing now. I can't get a job to save my life no matter how hard I try despite my degree. Most of my friends blocked me, including the girl I am still deeply in love with and the ones that haven't blocked me make absolutely no effort to talk to me anymore. And it's all my fault because my own feelings ruined my job opportunities and annoyed everyone into never wanting to speak to me again.

So anyone else at one point have a perfectly good life, only to completely destroy it with no one to blame but yourself for your own misery?

 

[Actually]

Yes, you are not alone!
I have "ruined my life" multiple times because I was like "life getting too good might as well ruin it" which is probably because I have a low self esteem and I feel as if I don't deserve happiness and I have a history of self destructive behaviors.

By February, I stopped feeling depressed but I had constant mood swings(which eventually stopped). In March I developed very disordered behaviors surrounding food.

Though I really did stopped feeling depressed all of the sudden, life was great. I got reunited with my best friend, the lack of him being available in my life was what made my depression worse, now he's here I felt better than ever. My mental health was getting better, I could talk to people without feeling anxious, I stopped isolating, and my relationships with my family healed. But I ruined everything. I saw a video about some dangerous K-pop diets and I completely ignored all of the warnings and started restricting my food intake as I somehow was "inspired" by that video. I have never had a bad relationship with food before. I knew what I was doing, but I just thought to ruin my life. I couldn't accept not feeling "depressed" anymore, I missed my depression. Now my relationship with food and my body is worse than ever, I might had given myself an eating disorder when everything was going great. I know that this disorder is only going to get worse, but now I can't go back. I feel like I'm doomed. I always wish I could just be normal, to accept myself, to allow myself to live a happy life.

I know it's not as bad as your story, but I just thought to share my experience. Sorry if this doesn't make sense in some way.