anyone else find it Really hard to keep up conversations

[viljalauss]

ok we'll start by saying one of the downsides of drawing back (possibly) from ctb is just how many times i've left conversations to rot for a little too long because of how many times i thought i would ctb soon and so it felt like there was no point keeping frequent conversation. not really rationally either, just whenever i write to people i get the feeling that it's pointless. but also would be nice if people forget me . anyway

in general too .. it's kind of comical how abysmal i am. with conversations over text and remembering / getting myself to reply to people i mean
conversations in real life are also pretty hard for me but at least when they're over, they're over, you know?

it's far worse when i'm properly depressed like i won't send anything to almost anyone for months . but even when i'm better it's like there are maybe 2 or 3 people i am comfortable instantly replying to. group chats i only talk in 1 or 2 of and just read through the rest like i'm scrolling through twitter or smth. with others that i can't keep in mind i might not reply for days or months.
also it's not like i don't like the people i end up not replying to for ages, it's often the very opposite. it's, i think .. maybe 1) i'm scared of the conversation 'running out' (big reason why i don't reply instantly) so i sort of try and space it out . sometimes this space is only like a few mins and sometimes it's like days. or more. i also space out replies if i'm anxious about replying for any reason which is like. really often 2) i feel like i don't deserve to have such a good conversation / be in the company (even if online) of those people 3) i just fucking forget . like i say to myself i'll reply in a bit or when less busy and then i go through the day and will have completely forgotten

that said having more current conversation like people asking what i'm up to, which at least has the advantage of being smth i should reply to soon and so i can act on that feels horribly draining and somewhat invasive. sort of feels like i'm being watched. i feel like the only time i can trust myself to reply to messages quickly is when either 1) i see that someone is coming to me with their emotions / smth emotional and wants comfort or to vent 2) someone asks me for something

also (professional/semi-professional) email is so much easier than texting to keep up with?? that might just be me. maybe cause it feels a bit less personal and i don't feel the same anxiety as i do sending messages.

but in general i aaaaaah i do not have the energy or mental space (i think mental space is the larger issue tbh) to have more than one or two conversations in mind at the same time. even if i can tune back in at a later point and reply i will just forget those conversations were there. and it's not even like i'm busy doing things with my life or using my brain to form thoughts. my brain is a sieve

 

[Hollowman]

Yeah, I barely converse with anyone anymore. I don't relate to the majority of people and most people just talk about pointless drivel.

 

[Slow_Farewell]

It's..difficult finding people who have the same interests or actually talk about something i like to hear their take on.

 

[eatantz]

I get anxious texting people, I always run out of things to say. I also never know how to act, my humour can be very stupid so I tone my personality down when texting new people. So I end up being super boring, I'm also very strange and struggle to understand how to have a normal convo.

 

[thenamingofcats]

Conversation is getting harder as I get older. The eye contact and getting the emotions right are the hardest. A lot of the time I would be happy to listen but I need to do it in my own way which involves probably looking down or around at other things while I'm listening and having a blank face. Obviously they think I'm not interested when I often am interested and am listening carefully, I'm just stimming and making sure I process everything.