Anyone else feel they’re too narcissistic to ctb?

[Volatile]

i have a very grandiose sense of self and am very self absorbed. My life story is unusual and people have told me throughout my life that I'm meant for something big. That only feeds the delusion that is really just a defense mechanism to hide how insignificant I really am. Despite acknowledging that I'm insignificant, I don't feel it.

 

[Maravillosa]

I am the first to admit that I have narcissistic tendencies. People have told me that I am a talented writer and meant for something big. I am extremely vain and want to insure that I will be remembered fondly by posterity -- even though intellectually I realize that once I am dead, I probably will not care how future generations regard me (whether because in the afterlife, what occurs on Earth will no longer interest me, or because I will have no consciousness after death). Like you, I acknowledge my insignificance, but do not feel it.

 

[Volatile]

I am the first to admit that I have narcissistic tendencies. People have told me that I am a talented writer and meant for something big. I am extremely vain and want to insure that I will be remembered fondly by posterity -- even though intellectually I realize that once I am dead, I probably will not care how future generations regard me (whether because in the afterlife, what occurs on Earth will no longer interest me, or because I will have no consciousness after death). Like you, I acknowledge my insignificance, but do not feel it.

I think the feeling of significance will make ctb feel out-of-this-world as if we're destroying the universe upon dying. Seems euphoric. I plan to jump off a well known bridge and I want my face to be burned into the memory of anyone watching, so that I leave a lasting impression on someone other than my family.

 

[millefeui]

I can tell you that by killing myself, I am throwing away a lot of artistic potential. I am good at drawing, and I learn fast (so much growth in a year of drawing classes, two classes a week... And I probably missed about 40% of the classes thanks to anxiety). I am also very creative, though... Never mind, my views on creativity are really bizarre. But the point stands. People also say I am good with words, but honestly, I don't see it. I can also tell you that I have come up with numerous theories as to why my life has been like this and that, and the theories do paint me as a very narcissistic person.

Still, that is not enough to stop me. I just really want to stop existing. At the end of the day, who am I kidding? I am just yet another human. In other words, worthless.

 

[worldexploder]

Not at all. What stops me is the lack of resources. Until I get something like N or the tank, I'll still be here. I do want to get my right to die manifesto out there before I CTB in hopes that my words may one day inspire legislation similar to what they have in places like Switzerland. I don't want anyone to have to chose between the rope and living in agony.

 

[Sayo]

Narcissism is probably a good deal of why I wish to die, as I am unwilling to compromise on certain standards, especially for myself. As I am losing the ability to fulfill and express the abilities I have even in the past, let alone the potential I believe I have, I feel little joy in living. I have already suffered so much and the thought of suffering again until I am able to force myself into a diminished existence is unbearable. I am inhibited by my own maladaptive perfectionism, and demotivated by my mental illnesses. Few of my emotional needs are met by the way in which I live, so it is unsurprising that I am unable to function artistically as I used to.

I am also not making enough progress in my field due to my inability to work much (physical illness, mental illness). That is probably more unbearable.

A great absurdity has arisen in my thought process over the previous few years; I have become highly critical of what my own standards represent, yet do not wish to abide by any others. This kind of black-and-white thinking is difficult to eradicate.

However, when I assess myself I realise that I have essentially disintegrated in every other way too. I think what I have become is unacceptable by most standards, and I am in so much pain regardless of achievement. After all, when I was achieving artistically, I walked away from it because I was miserable and found no integrity in it in the first place. I kind of think my temperament is just really warped and nobody tried to intervene but me (and I didn't do a good job of it, having the cognitive biases that reinforce it in the first place).

 

[Mr2005]

i have a very grandiose sense of self and am very self absorbed. My life story is unusual and people have told me throughout my life that I'm meant for something big. That only feeds the delusion that is really just a defense mechanism to hide how insignificant I really am. Despite acknowledging that I'm insignificant, I don't feel it.

Yes but it's also why I have to.

 

[Schopenhauer]

Nope, I'm crap, and I know that I'm crap. I have a few number-crunching skills, but many people have those to much higher degree. I'm nothing special. Even in my tiny corner of the world, my death will barely make a ripple.

 

[Mr2005]

I'm crap too but I'm still narcissistic

 

[Trashcan]

No. I'm just going to be a leech if I continue living.

 

[undertherainbow]

Yes. I usually think "my art is finally taking off..." when I'm not bugging out. I just want to see my name plastered everywhere (in my industry) before I die.
Hi, my name is undertherainbow and I'm a vain jerk that needs constant validation from my peers.

 

[Miss clefable]

Yes. I usually think "my art is finally taking off..." when I'm not bugging out. I just want to see my name plastered everywhere (in my industry) before I die.
Hi, my name is undertherainbow and I'm a vain jerk that needs constant validation from my peers.

Well at least your honest

 

[Lunar]

Nah, I was never meant for something big or meant for anything from my perceptive. I feel like I wasn't meant to exist from the get go.

 

[ignominia]

Yes, I'm very narcissistic and also I demand a lot of me and rarely I meet my own expectations.

I have been immersed in cinema, literature and other art things with older people than me and I'm told frequently "you are so young and smart, when I had your age I was doing nothing, I can't imagine what you will be doing when you are older, bla, bla, bla" and tbh yes I'm intellectually promiscuous and I have had cool experiences but is just in comparison with the average person, I mean Goethe was doing great things and Rimbaud had already written A season in hell, so I'm just trash and a pathetic human.

And in the reality that is one of the reasons why I want ctb, people and specially I expect a lot from me, I don't want fail and disappoint me. Paradoxically at the same is what discourage my idea of suicide, what if I success in what I do, but again, what if I don't, or what if "success" means betrayed yourself for the recognition of the horrendous society, it's a circle.

 

[project77]

I have certain narcissitic traits. Im never satisfied with what I archieve, Im very perfectionistic, Im uncompromising. My sense of selfworth only holds for very short amounts of time. Criticism or rejection really hurt me :(

 

[Salvacion]

I'm more worried and upset of everything that shall be said and posted after I am gone..... with no one to dispute. That's heart of narcissism ..... I worry when I'll be gone

 

[TheGoodGuy]

Yup. I have always felt I was gonna do something special all the way back to when I was a child so I feel like I need to be do something great before I can go.

 

[BlackDragonof1989]

I'm just coming around to realizing my own narcissism and selfishness, though it's really more defensive and covert. I'm closer to a covert narcissist than an overt, if one had to label it *shrugs* But yeah, part of why I remain living at times I believe, or resolve to in my head, is to spite others, especially those who expressed they wanted me to die, because I made them hate me apparently. Everything's a paradox, tipsy turvy world.

 

[Cee]

i feel like if i tried and put effort in i could do something really great. but ill never be happy. i want my corpse to look beautiful for sure, my favorite clothes and makeup done. I wish slitting wrists was more effective, id love to do that as a way to ctb. unfortunately it rarely works. might do it anyway at some point.

 

[Jaded]

No but if I was good at art or something then it would be completely understandable. I'm glad that's not a factor for me. Thinking about the totality for my family of me CTBing is difficult enough