Not happy, but immortal, false bravado. Adrenaline perhaps? Like you could cut yourself into tiny pieces and survive.
Ldog9
Student
- Jan 12, 2019
- 144
not sure about 'amazing' but i'd have so much anxiety, brain fog, sleep deprivation, etc approaching my set ctb date, that when my attempt failed for whatever reason there definitely was a brief sense of relief. probably is some sort of adrenaline dump like you said.
lili
Specialist
- Feb 17, 2022
- 319
Interesting. I've never felt amazing whenever i survived an attempt. I usually feel terrible and embarrassed. I usually go through a process of heavy shame and self deprecation.
twilightfairy
Member
- Mar 4, 2022
- 12
I've felt like an idiot for surviving like its just another thing I've fucked up.
Lost Magic
Illuminated
- May 5, 2020
- 3,205
I've never properly attempted before. When, I do it the the first time I would prefer to do it right than fuck it up.
deathbydragon
take me with you
- Mar 17, 2022
- 189
I would feel dumb for surviving and not choosing a fatal/lethal method not good
walt
Member
- Mar 15, 2022
- 86
My friends were with me.. Yeah I felt much happier because they were there for me.
its-about-time
nope
- Mar 19, 2022
- 807
My biggest attempt wasn't much of an attempt. I drank a ton of vodka and was prepared to take a whole bunch of benzos. Had read the combination should give me a good shot at dying. Took a few benzos before drinking to help with nerves. But in my stupid drunkenness I was highly emotional and basically told my ex what I was doing and she called the cops. Cops stood surrounding me and I still had the full container of benzos in my hand and just couldn't do it, way too anxious and it was destined to fail at that point. I'm sure I would've been tackled and forced to spit them out anyways. Once the cops noticed what was in my hand they forcefully took it away and called the ambulance in. Back to the psych ward. But I feel absolutely embarrassed and angry that I didn't just fucking take the stupid pills. Even if it was going to get pumped straight out of my stomach. I hate myself for not trying. And I hate myself for not turning my phone off before I got drunk.
I have SN ordered and I am fully dedicated to not telling a soul this time.
I have SN ordered and I am fully dedicated to not telling a soul this time.
No I felt like a failure not only with life but with suicide and death. I've spent years hell over half my life suicidal and I can't even do the one fucking thing I've thought about and obsessed for years over.
Chiisai
To infinity and beyond!
- Sep 1, 2021
- 754
Yes and no. Knowing that I was brave enough to attempt was in a sense, glorious like a warrior unfazed in battle. However, knowing too that I am still in the same predicament as I was before my attempts is just sad and helpless.
No i felt a total shit and such a loser,like i'm not even able to kill myself...i felt an huge amount of hate about myself
FuneralCry
Just wanting some peace
- Sep 24, 2020
- 44,387
I am scared of surviving an attempt, the fear of failure is the main thing that is holding me back from ctb. I would only ctb if I was certain that the method would succeed. I deserve to exit this world in a reliable and peaceful way, I should not have to resort to risky methods to end my suffering.
DraktarLim
I don't like my title.
- Mar 26, 2022
- 14
i never felt such a feeling. I have attempted one time and survived but after that things got way worse. And the other episode would be the day that i almost died when testing partial hanging, but after recovering my consciousness i felt sad and mad because i realize that i could have died if my belt didn't exploded like it did, that's why I'm still alive unfortunately.
My first attempt I felt nothing at all, even after it failed.
My second attempt failed before it started almost.
My third gave me nothing but adrenaline.
