Anyone been to therapy and realize you're just really messed up?

[Spicy Tteokbokki]

Been going to this therapist for several weeks, and today we planned on a 1h session, but it ended up being 2 hours long instead..
Eventually she told me I seem to have dissociative identity disorder based on how I describe how my life works like, and everything else I previously told her where she did mention I am going through so much in life from traumas to disorders to instability to stress from life and being a minority to this and that and more.. and it's like no wonder I just keep failing in life as I seem to be playing on really hard mode.
I've just been trying to diagnose myself with autism and ADHD so hearing her bring this up was kinda, ugh.. Well not surprising considering I have looked it up in the past, but with her I didn't want to bring it up because it feels I am faking it for attention or I got it through social contagion or whatever the heck else, something I did mention to her, "how stupid and shizo it all sounds like", yet it still got brought up here and she said it wasn't stupid nor a shizo thing. ._.;
Likewise cannot fake the amnesia in my life, including people in my life I completely didn't know were in my life at times, yet apparently were, but I just didn't know.
She also said that since it's not recognized here in Denmark as far as she knows she cannot give me any help for it either beyond our therapy sessions, though I said maybe it's in the ICD-11 manual, but we'll see what she says once she comes back.

Whether it's that or something else we'll find out later ig with even more sessions, but it just sucks sometimes, wishing I had a proper upbringing with healthy parents, in my native country, in a safe area, with proper nutrition starting from the womb etc.

That's not to say it's all gloom and doom, and she has started to make me think more about myself and certain things I had questions/confusion about so that's nice, and maybe a small part of me sees some hope that I will get even better once our therapy sessions run out, but bleh, it sucks when you do struggle a lot and most people cannot understand why you're so far back in life compared to your peers.

 

[BloomingAzaleas]

I also have dissociative identity disorder, and yeah it can be a bit shocking to see just how far from "functional" you really are when you go to therapy.

Just a reminder that therapy only works for those who want help and to change, so so long as you keep up a good effort, I'm sure you'll make good progress. Your problems won't go away, but at least you'll be able to manage much more

 

[Shadow_]

I think going to therapy and finding out you're messed up is kinda the point of therapy. You know things aren't right, but now you have an explanation, a starting point. A clear (well probably very murky) path forward.

 

[Pale_Rider]

They originally diagnosed me with DID 15 years prior to my first CTB attempt. I just couldn't accept it. I can remember when the idea was first presented I literally came unglued from reality. I did the thinking, and it felt so bad I though the counselors were demons who had put a spell on me. I blocked it out, and they let me. fast forward to the CTB, and I dont know which was worst dealing with emotions from my first attempt, or the DID revelations that I then had to inure as they tried to "cure" me of the suicide ideations. ( by now I had severe PTSD) fast forward another ten years, and I can finally say I have DID out loud. Well write it in a forum anonymously.

 

[FoxSauce]

Yes.. I didn't knew how bad my mind was till I was diagnosed with GAD and MDD.

But even worse I went to check if I had bpd and turns out I do and made me feel insane.

Its shocking also feeling ashamed about it at least for me but it did answer so many behaviors throughout my life.

 

[Hollowman]

After I went to three sessions I realized I was too far gone to benefit from it. The therapist even said after one of the sessions "that was really difficult"

 

[MiseryWithoutCompany]

Yeah. But most of my therapy sessions result in my therapists either downplaying my problems or openly mocking me.

 

[Martymcflyismydog]

I know what you mean. You have to be extremely direct with the therapist if you'd like help. For example, Music is my passion, but I've stopped playing because of how awful I feel every day. My most recent paperwork said (opiate dependence/ severe, dependent. "recurrent major depressive disorder without psychotic features. Borderline personality disorder, and anxiety, severe. I honestly believe if I just focused on music all these years, instead of drugs and alcohol being my main focus, I'd be okay. But I can't stand how I feel anymore. I have zero motivation to do a single thing. Doesn't matter except for rehoming my dog is only thing I care about. Everyone else I've known over the years, I know one day eventually somebody will hear about my death, take the news with an eye roll and sigh, n then a smile, because theyre thinking lf raiding my home for anything hey want, or then throw my less valuable belongings in the trash. I will admit my home country is so sick, filthy , full of garbage and violence, and greedy/dishonest people. Every single time I've ever reached out, to try and get a little help, I get mistreated. I've been burned, or given up on, and always given spectacularly unhelpful "treatment". When I Lay it all out there in hopes of some help, I get either common sense advice, or they just say they aren't qualified to deal with my situation, my level of..suffering. And refer me to someone else. Telling me to get outside with my puppy more, or eat every day, pick up my guitar. Like I haven't thought of that. I just don't want to do anything anymore. Passion for music is gone, my work ethic gone, the people in my life are gone. My body and mind have been destroyed with like 8-9 years of near constant abuse. It's a human right to be able to end your suffering on your own terms. It's been my experience that they're just there to listen and get paid. It's not like they have any passion for helping someone. Just a job to them. Ill never again even try to ask for help, because nobody cares.