Any other artists on here?

[burninghill]

I'm starting to get quite lonely, to be honest.

I'm a 19 year old english artist, a painter. I have an 80 page sketchbook and I'm going to kill myself on Monday the 11th of May, so in 44 days. I'm going to use this sketchbook as a visual diary about my suicide ideation, anxiety and intrusive thoughts, maybe it'll make things easier to understand when I die and creating 'vent' art is quite theraputic for me. I want to finish it entirely.

Is anyone killing themselves on a similar date? And or would be interested in doing something similar with me? In terms of sketchbooking.

I'm just feeling quite isolated. I'd honestly appreciate anyone to talk to. It's exhausting not being able to talk about suicidality with anybody in my personal life because it feels like it consumes so much of the way I live, think and exist.

Please comment or message me so I can talk to you guys :)

 

[SoLowHollow48]

Damn, bruh. When I saw the title of this thread, I thought that you'd be one of those people who used to be an artist but have lost the passion and/or something happened that made you unable to create art anymore. I was about to ask if you'd like to trade sketches with me because there was a point in my life where I felt like I was improving but I closed off that part of me and now I'm back to square 1 learning anatomy, perspectives, shapes, and shit.

I mostly just try to duplicate images from Pinterest, though. I've never tried still life.

I'm sorry about your upcoming departure but if that's the only way you can find peace with your current predicament, then none of us can stop you no matter how much we don't want to lose you. Even if we don't know you.

 

[burninghill]

Damn, bruh. When I saw the title of this thread, I thought that you'd be one of those people who used to be an artist but have lost the passion and/or something happened that made you unable to create art anymore. I was about to ask if you'd like to trade sketches with me because there was a point in my life where I felt like I was improving but I closed off that part of me and now I'm back to square 1 learning anatomy, perspectives, shapes, and shit.

I mostly just try to duplicate images from Pinterest, though. I've never tried still life.

I'm sorry about your upcoming departure but if that's the only way you can find peace with your current predicament, then none of us can stop you no matter how much we don't want to lose you. Even if we don't know you.

I'm in school for art and I'm quite and academic person, so that's the main reason why I've continued. I take year long breaks pretty regularly.

I've been drawing since I was a baby, so it's not really that I have an especially strong passion for it, it's just become the way I cope. I don't have any people to talk to about the way I feel, so I draw it and share it and it feels like talking to everyone in a safer way, if that makes sense.

 

[SoLowHollow48]

I'm in school for art and I'm quite and academic person, so that's the main reason why I've continued. I take year long breaks pretty regularly.

I've been drawing since I was a baby, so it's not really that I have an especially strong passion for it, it's just become the way I cope. I don't have any people to talk to about the way I feel, so I draw it and share it and it feels like talking to everyone in a safer way, if that makes sense.

Ah. I can't help then. My stuff are all scraps and I know jackshit about theories :(

 

[burninghill]

Ah. I can't help then. My stuff are all scraps and I know jackshit about theories :(

Haha you don't have to know about theories. I don't know shit about theories

 

[SoLowHollow48]

Haha you don't have to know about theories. I don't know shit about theories

You know, since you go to school for this, I'd just like to ask how you can make that willingness to make art exist. I've rarely practiced now because the moment I saw how shitty my drawing is, I just gave up. The moment I realized that "ah fuck, I'm back in this stage again" I just want to keel over. I know that trusting the process is important but damn, why does it gotta fail like that?

 

[_wishforwings]

I am not in art school or anything (I considered it, but deep down knew I wouldn't make money) and never have been but I have been creating art since 2015. I'm not the most amazing artist in the world but I have also been using my sketchbook lately to create vents, as you mentioned I think it might help people who knew me understand better what I was going through? I doubt I have as much technical skill as you haha but

From how things have been going for me lately i'm more than likely CTBing sooner than that but I am always here in the mean time if you ever want to talk :-) from what I've seen from you on here, I feel like we actually have quite a bit in common and I really like seeing your posts here.

 

[burninghill]

You know, since you go to school for this, I'd just like to ask how you can make that willingness to make art exist. I've rarely practiced now because the moment I saw how shitty my drawing is, I just gave up. The moment I realized that "ah fuck, I'm back in this stage again" I just want to keel over. I know that trusting the process is important but damn, why does it gotta fail like that?

My willingness to make art existed because I saw so many great artists that I wanted to be like and it took lots of years of telling myself over and over again that I will EVENTUALLY improve. I traced and copied a lot in my youth when I was insecure about my work. A lot of people stop when they create something ugly, but in reality the more you do art the more you realise it doesn't matter.

Nowadays my reasons for making art are more selfish, I just do it to express myself and my feelings rather than for some greater cause and 'wanting the world to see'.

 

[SoLowHollow48]

My willingness to make art existed because I saw so many great artists that I wanted to be like and it took lots of years of telling myself over and over again that I will EVENTUALLY improve. I traced and copied a lot in my youth when I was insecure about my work. A lot of people stop when they create something ugly, but in reality the more you do art the more you realise it doesn't matter.

Nowadays my reasons for making art are more selfish, I just do it to express myself and my feelings rather than for some greater cause and 'wanting the world to see'.

You know what? It's better than going on a killing spree. Like Elliott Rodgers. I hope you get to fill in those empty pages.

 

[The Disqualified]

I'm starting to get quite lonely, to be honest.

I'm a 19 year old english artist, a painter. I have an 80 page sketchbook and I'm going to kill myself on Monday the 11th of May, so in 44 days. I'm going to use this sketchbook as a visual diary about my suicide ideation, anxiety and intrusive thoughts, maybe it'll make things easier to understand when I die and creating 'vent' art is quite theraputic for me. I want to finish it entirely.

Is anyone killing themselves on a similar date? And or would be interested in doing something similar with me? In terms of sketchbooking.

I'm just feeling quite isolated. I'd honestly appreciate anyone to talk to. It's exhausting not being able to talk about suicidality with anybody in my personal life because it feels like it consumes so much of the way I live, think and exist.

Please comment or message me so I can talk to you guys :)

I am also lonely and about your age. 'English artist': I understood it as meaning that you are from England. I really liked the vibe of your post. I am more than happy to talk with you, truthfully; You sound like an interesting person.

I am unsure if I would call myself an 'artist'. I really love art though. I really like music, especially (classical) romantic music. I love the piano particularly, and played it in the past. I am not good at drawing nor painting for that matter, admittedly. However, that is a skill I wish to develop in the future. I have become really fond of writing recently, as I consider myself a very imaginative and creative person. That said, I am just starting out practicing. Recently, I was looking into the art of poetry; I just like to get my creativity out. I imagine all sorts of stories and music in my head, but struggle to actually have the skill to materialize them.
I really like writing proper English in literary settings. I like grammar, writing, poetry and all such things. I am of the type that easily obsesses over things. Though my main problem in art (and life) is my lack of energy and motivation for doing it, as that is part of the dispirited and depressed state I have found myself in for the last 4 years or so.
You sound extremely determined about your departure date. That is uncommon. I am curious about your reasons to do this, if you wish to share them, of course. We are both so young, you know, as cliché as that may sound. I still carry the hope inside me that things could be different, but I don't want to invalidate you; I don't know your circumstances. In any case, I am sending best wishes.