another failed attempt (last night)

[waistcoat]

just posting this here so the people in chat last night know i'm alive

last night i tried to ctb, mixed out everything and drunk it, i used sn w/o any ae's or benzos but did take a very very high dose of my insomnia medication

anyway, i ended up passing out around 30m after drinking it, i woke up several times after that to vomiting, i think i threw up 5 times? it was mostly just dry heaving and bile as there was nothing in my stomach to throw up

on the last vomiting the sun was up and my alarm went off to wake up, i ended up just turning my phone off and trying to sleep. missed my lectures today but that's whatever

the lower right side of my abdomen hurts, kinda like a sharp pain. and the back of my throat hurts from vomiting, otherwise i guess i am okay

i dont feel anything emotion wise. just kinda. here. no sadness or happiness, not even emptiness, just, nothing. it's weird.

i assume i survived due to my GI issues causing the sn absorption to be delayed, which is, annoying.

anyway, love you all, sorry for making you worry about me last night for no reason, hugs <3

 

[iamanavalanche]

im glad youre safe, wc you are cared about. i hope your pains feel better soon ♡
giving you lots of hugs

 

[Corovaner]

Oh, dear... Your sn was bad. What do you want to do next?

 

[waistcoat]

Oh, dear... Your sn was bad. What do you want to do next?

i'm not sure, this sucks

 

[Corovaner]

Did you do test with stripes or blood?

 

[waistcoat]

Did you do test with stripes or blood?

i didn't, guess i should do that

 

[dontwakemeup]

I'm sorry you had a failed attempt. Don't you just hate the waking up alive feeling?? It's horrible. I'm curious, did the SN burn going down?

 

[waistcoat]

I'm sorry you had a failed attempt. Don't you just hate the waking up alive feeling?? It's horrible. I'm curious, did the SN burn going down?

it kinda burnt a bit, not too much though, just like drinking sea water mostly

 

[idiotmother]

Was it PC Sn?

 

[dontwakemeup]

it kinda burnt a bit, not too much though, just like drinking sea water mostly

That sounds horrible. I'm sorry.

 

[cryptoinvestor]

Sounds awful, so sorry. Which insomnia medication did you take and where/when did you acquire the SN?

 

[Kitsune_BCN]

Wow thats really an unexpected outcome. At least you are ok wich is the most important thing given the facts

 

[Corovaner]

Did you drink second cup?

 

[waistcoat]

Did you drink second cup?

only one cup, but i didn't vomit until about 2 hours later

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I hope you recover quickly. How do you feel?

 

[Corovaner]

Wow, It means that it was nitrate, not nitrite. Nitrate causes methhemoglobinemia too because it transforms into nitrite in the stomach, but concentration is not enough to die. I am so sorry for your failed attempt. It is not your fault.

 

[waistcoat]

I hope you recover quickly. How do you feel?

mostly feeling sick still, but overal okay

Wow, It means that it was nitrate, not nitrite. Nitrate causes methhemoglobinemia too because it transforms into nitrite in the stomach, but concentration is not enough to die. I am so sorry for your failed attempt. It is not your fault.

i definitely bought the correct one, i bought it from a chemicals supplier.

 

[Corovaner]

mostly feeling sick still, but overal okay

i definitely bought the correct one, i bought it from a chemicals supplier.

Hmm, I'm not so sure, but I don't know your source.

 

[itsover14]

I'm very sorry you're in such a bad way - from feeling bad enough to try to commit suicide, to feeling ill from the after effects :(

um, you mentioned the SN was like drinking seawater - was it really difficult to drink? Like nasty? I feel like the two best options for me are hanging or SN, but I hate salty stuff so much I'm not sure I could actually drink it :\

Hugs to you, hope you're feeling better soon x

 

[waistcoat]

um, you mentioned the SN was like drinking seawater - was it really difficult to drink? Like nasty?

it wasn't a nice experience but it wasn't too bad either, just salty.

 

[itsover14]

it wasn't a nice experience but it wasn't too bad either, just salty.

Thank you for the reply! Not sure I can even get a hold of SN (let alone the other recommended things like the antiemetics) but it seems better than hanging :\

Hope things are starting to feel a bit better x

 

[Al_stargate]

Damn you came back from the dead so to speak. Don't know if I should express joy or sadness. I'm happy you still with us but I'm sad you still in situation that got you to this point. Hope you find success and happiness in whatever you do next.

 

[waistcoat]

Damn you came back from the dead so to speak. Don't know if I should express joy or sadness. I'm happy you still with us but I'm sad you still in situation that got you to this point. Hope you find success and happiness in whatever you do next.

hugs :(

Damn you came back from the dead so to speak. Don't know if I should express joy or sadness. I'm happy you still with us but I'm sad you still in situation that got you to this point. Hope you find success and happiness in whatever you do next.

hugs :(

 

[waistcoat]

update : mostly recovered now, still feeling sick but that's less from the sn and more just my baseline, my GI tract is still unhappy but that's to be expected

i'm not sure when ill reattempt. probably in the new year. this experience has been thoroughly unpleasant and i want to do more prep before my next attempt to ensure i get it right.

anyway here's a song i have on repeat at the moment

love you all ~<3

 

[cait_sith]

why do you think you failed? how much sn did you use? i'm sorry for your awful experience.

 

[Upon a hanging Body]

Your experience sounds really similar to mine, do you still have a bad head ache and almost robotic tinnitus?
The affects of sn can last upward to 3 days on the body so please take care of yourself.

 

[citrix_s]

Did you do test with stripes or blood?

Did you do test with stripes or blood?

What proof is that?

 

[waistcoat]

why do you think you failed? how much sn did you use? i'm sorry for your awful experience.

probably my GI issues delaying absorption, i used 26g

Your experience sounds really similar to mine, do you still have a bad head ache and almost robotic tinnitus?
The affects of sn can last upward to 3 days on the body so please take care of yourself.

headache yeah, tinnitus no
thank you for looking out for me

 

[waistcoat]

update

i told my girlfriend and a few close friends, she's helping me & staying with me for a couple days (yday, today, and most of tomorrow), then i'm going to hers for the weekend and then another friend is coming next week until i'll be on a trip with my gf. so basically the next month i am going to constantly be around people and not be alone.

i'm also signing up for therapy again, and will be looking at voluntary temporary psychiatric ward placements.

i uh, also turned 22 today. didn't think i'd get this far. and i very nearly didn't.

love you guys