Help Anhedonia Forever

[Pururin]

I came down from a long manic episode recently (this past weekend I think) and now I feel terrible again. A lot of guilt over what happened the past few months and my empty bank account.
The thing is, I started Risperidone near the middle-end of this episode and i think it didn't help which is scary, all I got were negative side effects which have led to me having to stop taking it. Now I don't know what to do, I want to give up so badly because it's been years of trying and letdowns (and I still don't even have an official diagnosis!) with no end in sight. These past few days I haven't been able to get up to shower, eat, or work on anything I was trying to improve on before I did this whole thing to myself. Everything means nothing and nothing is even the slightest bit stimulating. I want to CTB. I don't know what to do now and even if I did I don't even have motivation to roll over, let alone fix all this.

 

[Moonomyth]

Anhedonia's a pretty strong recovery barrier, especially if you're feeling withdrawals after stopping a medication. If there's anyone you can reasonably trust to help you with appointments, it would be a good idea to get their assistance in trying a new medication if you feel like that might work.

A lack of official diagnosis is rough. It's hard to keep trying without some authority figure acknowledging the problems that way.

 

[Pururin]

Thanks for the advice, I'll have to see if I can find someone to help me out with that.

authority figure acknowledging the problems that way.

They've acknowledged that I experience some form of mania and depression, but other than that they tell me "labels don't help the pain" or some shit. All fun and games.

 

[Moonomyth]

Thanks for the advice, I'll have to see if I can find someone to help me out with that.


They've acknowledged that I experience some form of mania and depression, but other than that they tell me "labels don't help the pain" or some shit. All fun and games.

That varies from person to person. I won't say labels were especially useful to me, but some people do find some sense of belonging or affirmation in them. Leave it to a therapist to acknowledge this in the most useless, platitudinal form I guess.

 

[Silvermorning]

Are you on fluoxetine, or were you, OP?

 

[Pururin]

Are you on fluoxetine, or were you, OP?

I have been before and I am again now, but tapering off it. I've heard it can react with Risperidone but the side effect i had was fairly common (it's TMI but i can share if you ask).

 

[CoalmineCanary]

I understand your feelings of guilt after a manic episode. I was arrested on Halloween night and ended up in the hospital. Lots of feelings of shame because of my behaviour. The last 2 weeks have been really challenging. They changed my dosages at the hospital and I'm trying to be vigilant about my medication and diet. I don't want the long depression that follows my manic episodes so severe it's unbearable. Mania and Depression are worse than the side effects so I'll take that over the illness itself. At least I can tolerate the side effects for now (how long is a guess though).

This is only my situation though and everyone's body is different.

 

[Pururin]

I understand your feelings of guilt after a manic episode. I was arrested on Halloween night and ended up in the hospital. Lots of feelings of shame because of my behaviour. The last 2 weeks have been really challenging. They changed my dosages at the hospital and I'm trying to be vigilant about my medication and diet. I don't want the long depression that follows my manic episodes so severe it's unbearable. Mania and Depression are worse than the side effects so I'll take that over the illness itself. At least I can tolerate the side effects for now (how long is a guess though).

This is only my situation though and everyone's body is different.

Thanks for sharing your experience. I hope the medication is helping you and that you're alright.
I relate to a few things you spoke about, luckily I haven't been arrested since 2019 but it's been rough. Now I'm back in Depression again I'm not sure I'll make it, got out of hospital this morning for attempt (impulsive so it obviously failed) with more stitches. I'm hoping they can put me on medication again soon because holding out without it is tough.

 

[Silvermorning]

I have been before and I am again now, but tapering off it. I've heard it can react with Risperidone but the side effect i had was fairly common (it's TMI but i can share if you ask).

I was just wondering.
When i'm exeriencing a long anhedonia period, some fluoxetine gets me out of the slump (sometimes not) usually in form of some mild mania.

Thanks for sharing your experience. I hope the medication is helping you and that you're alright.
I relate to a few things you spoke about, luckily I haven't been arrested since 2019 but it's been rough. Now I'm back in Depression again I'm not sure I'll make it, got out of hospital this morning for attempt (impulsive so it obviously failed) with more stitches. I'm hoping they can put me on medication again soon because holding out without it is tough.

We are here for you OP, while you wait for your new medication.

I understand your feelings of guilt after a manic episode. I was arrested on Halloween night and ended up in the hospital. Lots of feelings of shame because of my behaviour. The last 2 weeks have been really challenging. They changed my dosages at the hospital and I'm trying to be vigilant about my medication and diet. I don't want the long depression that follows my manic episodes so severe it's unbearable. Mania and Depression are worse than the side effects so I'll take that over the illness itself. At least I can tolerate the side effects for now (how long is a guess though).

This is only my situation though and everyone's body is different.

Sorry about the arrest. I understand your ambivalence about what is worse, if the risk of full blown mania, or the zombie state of depression. Both are fucked up; and euthymia it's so hard to make it last.

 

[Donk]

I've been on meds for quite some time (+15 years). it's documented that prolong use of antidepressants and benzos can cause anhedonia. OP I understand your pain. I've been suffering from Anhedonia for a long time. it's a horrible feeling when nothing can motivate you to seek some form of pleasure. This leads to me asking myself "What's the point in living if I can't experience enjoyment in life". Eventually this feeling of emptiness can be a catalyst for suicidal ideation. I'm a living testament. I wish you the best of luck on your road to recovery.

 

[Pururin]

I don't want to start a new thread since I posted this recently but things are awful. Really fucking terrible. I'm ruining my life with self harm but I can't stop. I know I have to because I need my hands and arms for art and music, and I already have a bunch of nerve damage. It would all be over if I lose feeling in my fingers. And yet I can't quit this. Ever since I began sobriety (again) I can't handle anything. I want out, I just can't do this anymore, I want control over myself. I don't want to hallucinate anymore. Why do we have to suffer even though we didn't do anything wrong.