My emotions are all over the place.
I've been feeling things that I didn't think I was capable of feeling, over the weekend.
I don't cry. Thought I couldn't. But all I have been doing is trying not to cry.
I believe this is due to planning my end. What is the point in holding back when I won't be alive much longer?
I now have a date. I have maybe a week or so to get my affairs in order. Get rid of stuff, delete stuff from all my electronic devices. Shred personal documents that I wouldn't want others to read.
I'm getting over the guilt I've been feeling. Knowing the pain I'm going to cause others.
I'm not writing any letters to my loved ones. Nothing I could say would make them grieve quicker. Appointment tomorrow with my therapist, who I have a great relationship with. I know I'm one of the lucky few to have found a fantastic therapist. I knew that therapy wouldn't change how I feel and what I am finally going to do, but it has helped me in ways that I didn't think possible. For that I am grateful.
Just need to book hotel. Nothing flash, but comfortable. Go to a nice restaurant on the day and order a decent meal, even if I don't have an appetite. Go back to hotel, take SN and wait for it to kick in.
I'm currently under my local mental health services. I am going to send an email to my keyworker shortly before I take SN. This will be late in the evening. She will see email the following day. I will put the address of where I am and the room number so that she can pass this info on to the police, who will be able to find my body.
I've been feeling things that I didn't think I was capable of feeling, over the weekend.
I don't cry. Thought I couldn't. But all I have been doing is trying not to cry.
I believe this is due to planning my end. What is the point in holding back when I won't be alive much longer?
I now have a date. I have maybe a week or so to get my affairs in order. Get rid of stuff, delete stuff from all my electronic devices. Shred personal documents that I wouldn't want others to read.
I'm getting over the guilt I've been feeling. Knowing the pain I'm going to cause others.
I'm not writing any letters to my loved ones. Nothing I could say would make them grieve quicker. Appointment tomorrow with my therapist, who I have a great relationship with. I know I'm one of the lucky few to have found a fantastic therapist. I knew that therapy wouldn't change how I feel and what I am finally going to do, but it has helped me in ways that I didn't think possible. For that I am grateful.
Just need to book hotel. Nothing flash, but comfortable. Go to a nice restaurant on the day and order a decent meal, even if I don't have an appetite. Go back to hotel, take SN and wait for it to kick in.
I'm currently under my local mental health services. I am going to send an email to my keyworker shortly before I take SN. This will be late in the evening. She will see email the following day. I will put the address of where I am and the room number so that she can pass this info on to the police, who will be able to find my body.
