Venting am i ungrateful?

[maneose]

back on here again...lol,
I was reprimanded by my mom today for spending $1,500 in 7 months. Maybe I have a bad scope of money, but it really doesn't seem like all that much? I'm 20(about to turn 21), living at home at college, taking the bus, and I recently got a job 3 weeks ago(cashier for $12 an hour, usually 10 hours a week). I feel like ungrateful for even being upset or crying, but it makes me feel kinda crazy. The money I've spent is just on second-hand anime merchandise or ubereats(which i am also not allowed to order from anymore unless i spend for the entire family lol or else my mom gets upset at me too?) It's not like we're in a bad money situation, and i have 6K saved up from my college fund, which never gets used because I go to the University in my town, they usually send fasfa money back into my account rather than taking it. If I need books (which I almost always pirate) my mom pays for it, usually too. My mom has a steady job(she's a nurse) and it's not like we're fighting for scraps. It's not like I'm going out partying or anything, I'm not even allowed to go outside by myself! I recently got my instruction permit, but my mom won't teach me to drive, nor pay OR let me use my money to pay for driving school. I tried to talk to my mom about getting an ADHD diagnosis, but she got upset and told me I would have to figure it out on my own, and have to pay with my own money. I still haven't been able to figure it out because I don't know how our health insurance works. I'm just frustrated I guess. Every time I want to do something, she doesn't want it becomes a fight. I can't cut my hair without getting in a fight, can't wash my hair without my mom scoffing at me, can't leave my house outside of school or work unless she's in a good mood, can't learn to drive even with my own money, can't buy food for myself because it's wasting money but gets mad at me for not having the entire family order on my card, cant even THINK about the idea of having adhd even when i failed the entire last semester, cant have a boyfriend without her making fun of him or saying ridiclous things like he'll murder me or shit like that. Not to mention my mom hates the idea of me working, so I just?? have no options then??

im just exhausted because i literally cant do anything, i feel like a 10 year old and i just don't understand why i'm put on these abstract rules and still feel like im even close to being an adult, i feel like a child and i cant do anything about it. idk i just want peoples opinions on if i'm just being an ungrateful brat but, yeah just super sad

 

[kunikuzushi]

It's your money that you worked hard for, and your mom really shouldn't say anything about how you spend it. I understand that you're living in her house, but you're still an adult and she shouldn't be trying to control your life like this. You're definitely not ungrateful. You just want to live your life without someone making judgements about everything you do. It really is overwhelming and exhausting.

 

[DirtCommie]

back on here again...lol,
I was reprimanded by my mom today for spending $1,500 in 7 months. Maybe I have a bad scope of money, but it really doesn't seem like all that much? I'm 20(about to turn 21), living at home at college, taking the bus, and I recently got a job 3 weeks ago(cashier for $12 an hour, usually 10 hours a week). I feel like ungrateful for even being upset or crying, but it makes me feel kinda crazy. The money I've spent is just on second-hand anime merchandise or ubereats(which i am also not allowed to order from anymore unless i spend for the entire family lol or else my mom gets upset at me too?) It's not like we're in a bad money situation, and i have 6K saved up from my college fund, which never gets used because I go to the University in my town, they usually send fasfa money back into my account rather than taking it. If I need books (which I almost always pirate) my mom pays for it, usually too. My mom has a steady job(she's a nurse) and it's not like we're fighting for scraps. It's not like I'm going out partying or anything, I'm not even allowed to go outside by myself! I recently got my instruction permit, but my mom won't teach me to drive, nor pay OR let me use my money to pay for driving school. I tried to talk to my mom about getting an ADHD diagnosis, but she got upset and told me I would have to figure it out on my own, and have to pay with my own money. I still haven't been able to figure it out because I don't know how our health insurance works. I'm just frustrated I guess. Every time I want to do something, she doesn't want it becomes a fight. I can't cut my hair without getting in a fight, can't wash my hair without my mom scoffing at me, can't leave my house outside of school or work unless she's in a good mood, can't learn to drive even with my own money, can't buy food for myself because it's wasting money but gets mad at me for not having the entire family order on my card, cant even THINK about the idea of having adhd even when i failed the entire last semester, cant have a boyfriend without her making fun of him or saying ridiclous things like he'll murder me or shit like that. Not to mention my mom hates the idea of me working, so I just?? have no options then??

im just exhausted because i literally cant do anything, i feel like a 10 year old and i just don't understand why i'm put on these abstract rules and still feel like im even close to being an adult, i feel like a child and i cant do anything about it. idk i just want peoples opinions on if i'm just being an ungrateful brat but, yeah just super sad

uhhj your option is to enter a WPP and leave her for ever with a restraining order.

Really does suck that housing isnt seen as a human right and your story once again proves that. All peacecul people deserve a home of their own to get away and rest from 'crazies' like your mom....but most people dont seem to think that is how things should work? Oh well I guess....

Best of wishes . Sorry for your pain

 

[theboy]

Have you found out about narcissistic mothers?

 

[sorrowfullyliving]

Your mother seems like the problem here. You're not an ungrateful brat, you're just someone who wants to be treated like an adult

 

[Freedombus'25]

Your mom is abusive and your definitely not ungrateful.

Damn I wish there was more supportive services for psychological/emotional abuse such as this but there are some supports out there and I do hope your able to get away/get some tangible support for this.

 

[TBONTB]

Wel

Your mom is abusive and your definitely not ungrateful.

Damn I wish there was more supportive services for psychological/emotional abuse such as this but there are some supports out there and I do hope you're able to get away/get some tangible support for this.

Well, your Mom is pretty controlling, that's for sure. My hope for you is you keep doing what you need to get in an independent living situation like working and going to school (if you can make that work for you)

Problem is, what are you going to do to make matters with Mom more workable. You might do well with a counselor just to focus on that if you can figure out how to make that health insurance work.

Is there anyone else in the home besides you and Mom??

 

[Forever Sleep]

It sounds as if your Mum is very controlling. It's not exactly uncommon for parents to be concerned when we are spending out lots. It could be a genuine concern that we are poor at managing money- which doesn't bode so well for our future. But, with all the other stuff too- it just seems very oppressive.

Seeing as you are earning and, you have saved, could you consider trying to move out? It seems as if you won't be able to gain freedom whilst still living with her.