All my previous posts on here were bullshit. This is real.

[onlyforever1]

Not to put too fine a point on it. So I've been here before, mental anguish blah blah bpd blah blah trans blah blah. It's all bullshit. I had a great life, albeit with a chronic medical condition.

Well because the universe fucking hates me in July I attempted a procedure to help alleviate that chronic condition. I've been in agonizing pain ever since. The procedure gave me an infection, I've basically had a UTI for six months straight.

This is real. This is above a 5/10 pain almost every day. And yet no one is willing to let me go. I just want the dignity that any other terminal patient would get, I want to die surrounded by the people I love. But no, because of this I have to skulk around and be constantly told how many people love me and how I'll surely get better this time, surely this doctor, this antibiotic is the one I just need to give it more time.

How much time, I am ask? No one will answer. That's not for them to decide, they say.

This is real. All that bullshit from before, that's all just bullshit. I had a good life and I destroyed it. All I want is to be treated with the dignity any other terminal patient would get and instead I'm going to have to blow my head off all alone.

 

[Lamentice]

I don't understand this kind of extreme mental blockade with death that other people project on everyone else despite horrific suffering & low quality of life.

 

[onlyforever1]

I don't understand this kind of extreme mental blockade with death that other people project on everyone else despite horrific suffering & low quality of life.

One of these friends was the person who gave me the link to this forum! And yet she's not willing to let me go. I don't want to die, I'll be totally 100% honest. I'm fucking terrified of dying and I don't want to leave my friends and my mom. But I'm not getting better. And I just need to know there's a way out.

I'm sad about all the things I'll never get to do or experience. I really really do not want to die. But I can't live like this.

 

[Lamentice]

I'm sad about all the things I'll never get to do or experience. I really really do not want to die. But I can't live like this.

I'm sorry, I hope you can get an outcome soon that gives you some peace. </3

 

[madwoman]

I relate a bit. Dealing with a chronic issue that I've tried multiple things and it's only getting worse and it's the driving reason for me wanting to end my life. I can't live like this either. I used to feel better about life and thinking everything was going to be okay and that I'm going to do all these things I wanted to but yeah that's all gone. I too wish I could die peacefully getting closure with friends and family and not being alone at the end and not being scared. I'm sorry for what you are going through too

 

[carfemtanyl]

Why don't the doctors give you pain meds and multiple antibiotics at once?
Sure, your colon will be fucked for some time but that's a lot better than your current state.

 

[onlyforever1]

Why don't the doctors give you pain meds and multiple antibiotics at once?
Sure, your colon will be fucked for some time but that's a lot better than your current state.

I have an appointment to ask for pain meds on Monday but I know I'm not going to get them. As far as multiple antibiotics at once I don't know. I would do anything to get better.

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

I don't understand this kind of extreme mental blockade with death that other people project on everyone else despite horrific suffering & low quality of life.

Imo they are brainwashed because they don't understand how bad pain or suffering can get and that we all will die anyway soon so it's up to the individual suffering when they had enough of this hell

they don't even understand that we all will die anyway

much less that we all will die anyway very soon because how fast did 2025 fly by. how fast did the last 5 years fly by?

even less that that we all will die anyway very soon anyway and that Death is eternal Non-existence . that we all will be obliterated for all time very soon cease to exist forever

 

[madameviolette]

I'm sorry. I got screwed by doctors and medicine as well. This is the reason I want to CTB. I learned the hard way that the cure is worst than the disease itself most of the time.

People will never understand that being botched and suffering is worst than death.