Again: 5 days in a row without CTB thoughts

[VivaldiBR]

But I received two bad news and here I am again. Recovery is so hard if, apparently, your effort is not rewarded.

Am I going to recovery only if my life changes externally, or am I going to be able to accept things as they are and change internally?

Life is a bitch.

 

[MrBlue]

I can definitely relate. The main reason I'm not fully commited to calling my efforts to stay alive recovering is because I haven't had any positive feedback from that effort in areas of my life that cause me the most turmoil.

I don't think I'll ever be able to accept my life as it is, considering that my main problem with it is being lonely, and meaningful social interaction is more an inherent biological need than something I can ignore long term (though I have made efforts to do this on the short term).

I'm basically in a game with my self to see whether my life finally improving externally, or my desire to ctb becoming too great to battle, will occur first. I honestly feel the latter is a forgone conclusion, but I'm trying to give as much time as I can handle for the other to occur. How far I'll get is still debatable.

 

[Silvermorning]

5 days!
In my case, 5 hours would be an achievement. I live hour by hour these days.

 

[stygal]

But I received two bad news and here I am again. Recovery is so hard if, apparently, your effort is not rewarded.

Am I going to recovery only if my life changes externally, or am I going to be able to accept things as they are and change internally?

Life is a bitch.

Both could happen if you give it enough time and/or start working really hard on your internal look of the world.

I mean you had those 5 "good" days already...who's to say there won't be 5 (or however) more for you in store?
I'm not saying that as a pro-life-person or anything but I already "accepted" that all my external circumstances are pretty much unfair and it's up to me to utilize this last bit of time I got left.
Anyways, sending you some online hugs

 

[VivaldiBR]

Both could happen if you give it enough time and/or start working really hard on your internal look of the world.
I mean you had those 5 "good" days already...who's to say there won't be 5 (or however) more for you in store?
I'm not saying that as a pro-life-person or anything but I already "accepted" that all my external circumstances are pretty much unfair and it's up to me to utilize this last bit of time I got left.
Anyways, sending you some online hugs.

Does not bother me if you sound pro-life. I don't care about it like others in this forum. I'm working on these things like detachment, acceptance, active hopelessness, but it's so hard.

Thanks for your words and hug. =)

5 days!
In my case, 5 hours would be an achievement. I live hour by hour these days.

I made some movements to achieve this. It didn't really work entirely, but it has given me a few moments to breathe.

I don't know how much it is helping, but it is the mixture of antidepressants, meditation, reading about self-knowledge, Buddhism and psychology. And a have build a support network and having told about suicidal idealizations to parents, close friends, psychiatrist and psychologist.

 

[CoalmineCanary]

Five days is an accomplishment worthy of sharing that's sounds promising. Congratulations.

 

[_Kaira_]

It's a start, and a major feat at that. Congrats.

 

[puppy9]

I have a gut feeling that my life would get better, and I'm gonna trust it. Wish me luck guys.

 

[_Kaira_]

I have a gut feeling that my life would get better, and I'm gonna trust it. Wish me luck guys.

I'm very happy for you. Good luck

 

[MichaelNomad123]

Good job brothers. Remember to reinforce yourself as you go. Be kind to yourself.

 

[mr.smileysad]

Hey five days is pretty good it started that way for me a few good days here and there and it slowly got better don't let a few bad things spoil you enjoying yourself try to reach out to a few close friends or if you don't have any then go to social gatherings of some sort hope you get better soon

 

[Tired_Tired]

Life can be changed if you changed yourself first. Sometimes it's difficult because we are human beings and we have emotions.