Advocacy versus Agendas

[Rabhen]

I need an advocate. Someone who can speak for me, defend me, stand up for me, WHILE allowing me to be...me. Good, bad, ugly, wonderful, nasty, rotten, foul-mouthed and all. The problem with most people offering so called help in the name of advocacy, they are being less of a true advocate and indeed are addressing their own agenda(s), their so called advocacy being 'conditional'. This can indeed work out as true advocacy, on behalf of the person in need of advocacy, but in my own personal experience, this has not been the case.
Trusting others is a ginormous mistake, trusting they have your actual own best interests at heart is tenuous at best. It is a very precarious dance of spasticity sproinging with glimpses of safety and red flags of warning. I live in terror of my door being broken down, being kicked in the grown to shite and piss myself, thrown down and handcuffed because of who I am. I do not have this fear unrationally, this is a very real and justified fear that has happened on more than one occasion and because the people doing it are legally allowed to do so, no one is allowed to help me, defend me, even speak up for me as they too are shoved against a wall and threatened the same treatment they must watch me endure.
So how can one find a True Advocate?