Help advice to get work/school done?

[uboa.rust]

i'm feeling like there's no point in participating in either, or really giving a shit about how things will end up. i'm 18 and still in my senior year of high school. i performed pretty well for these past 3 years mostly thanks to being high all the time and pushing through suicidal thoughts, along with the fact that i used to care about how the people around me might see me if i fall behind.

now that i'm constantly thinking of suicide, it's impossible to do anything. work feels pointless. schoolwork that i could get done easily feels like hiking mount fucking everest. i want to get this shit done because either i'll be able to get my diploma and have a somewhat comfortable life, go to college, etc. or if i decide to, i can easily get a job, save up for benzos and alcohol, and die that way. most other ways scare me.

what do you guys do to get through the day? i don't know how i've gotten this far. not even the dumbass shrinks in the psych ward know how i got this far, told me people on my position dropped out way before i did

 

[heatnormal]

what do you guys do to get through the day? i don't know how i've gotten this far. not even the dumbass shrinks in the psych ward know how i got this far, told me people on my position dropped out way before i did

if you're thinking about going to college, choose a major that is at least interesting to you and doesn't require excessive work. i'm sure you can inquire about accommodations if you have any diagnoses.

getting out of bed is the hardest part; i try to be functional through the day, and that's it. after coming home, i forget everything that has happened -- i have a meltdown and prepare mentally for the next day. this is essentially just surviving. i don't think about the future; i just like to draw.