Venting ADHD & shrink gaslighting

[ALonelyFreak]

Don't worry it's not a real situation it's just a shrink in the internet.

So I've just read a shrink talking about ADHD and trauma/PTSD. He said that the correlation between ADHD and PTSD is very high. Then he proceeded to discuss why it is so. And he basically said it's because ADHD PEOPLE ARE EMOTIONAL. People with ADHD exaggerate what happens to them because they are dysregulated and this results in trauma. They will ruminate about things that a healthy person would quickly forget about.

And I'm like fuck no. Yes we're emotionally dysregulated. But OBJECTIVELY we have harder lives. When you can't focus you struggle at school and with people. People think you're lazy or malicious. And if people don't like you they will harm you. It works like that. You harm people that annoy you. Also we people with ADHD sometimes screw ourselves on our own because we do stupid things while seeking dopamine. All those things increase risk of trauma.
And shrinks wonder why people ctb. Like imagine you come to a shrink after something bad and he tells you that you're emotional. Because there are people who wouldn't mind.
Like why do you care you were bullied for months on end it's over get over it!



Thankfully he aint my shrink.

 

[orpheus_]

It shouldn't be oversimplified like this, like damn there is no single cause like "people with adhd are emotional so they get trauma". As you said there are many factors that make their lives harder. It's just, living with traits that are seen as "character flaws" in today's society. Someone gets told for their whole life that they are lazy (actually has executive dysfunction issues), stupid (unable to focus), too talkative, not enough "down to earth"... No wonder they end up traumatized. Not to mention that some adhd traits may lead to problems with socialising and fuck people REALLY underestimate how being lonely and/or abused by peers during childhood affects you.

Though it may be true that SOME people with ADHD are more prone to trauma because of emotional dysregulation but it's not because they're "exagarrating". Trauma is caused by what a said person, internally, has gone through. If someone struggles with their emotions hard situations WILL be objectively harder for them. Saying that emotionally dysregulated people "exaggarate what happens to them" is kind of like saying that autistics who get overstimulated by loud sounds are "exaggarating". NOPE, they are experiencing this sound in a way that is distressing to them.

But generally speaking, I'm not a professional but my guess would also be that most trauma that people with adhd experience is caused by other things that "emotional dysregulation". Uh I hate it when "professionals" online assign one single cause to a wide problem, ESPECIALLY when that also comes with "advice" like "well just get over it". Also people demonizing emotions? "Everything bad that happens to you just feels bad because you're too emotional". Well my feelings have been completely numbed by depression for a few years and my life is, in fact, much worse than when I used to cry about everything.

 

[amerie]

"People who are neurodivergent are oversensitive and exaggerate what happens to them" = neurodivergent people are a lot more vulnerable to being abused due to systemic ableism and our abusers taking advantage of our lack of social cues or thinking we won't speak out against them or have anyone that will believe us.

 

[ALonelyFreak]

It shouldn't be oversimplified like this, like damn there is no single cause like "people with adhd are emotional so they get trauma". As you said there are many factors that make their lives harder. It's just, living with traits that are seen as "character flaws" in today's society. Someone gets told for their whole life that they are lazy (actually has executive dysfunction issues), stupid (unable to focus), too talkative, not enough "down to earth"... No wonder they end up traumatized. Not to mention that some adhd traits may lead to problems with socialising and fuck people REALLY underestimate how being lonely and/or abused by peers during childhood affects you.

Though it may be true that SOME people with ADHD are more prone to trauma because of emotional dysregulation but it's not because they're "exagarrating". Trauma is caused by what a said person, internally, has gone through. If someone struggles with their emotions hard situations WILL be objectively harder for them. Saying that emotionally dysregulated people "exaggarate what happens to them" is kind of like saying that autistics who get overstimulated by loud sounds are "exaggarating". NOPE, they are experiencing this sound in a way that is distressing to them.

But generally speaking, I'm not a professional but my guess would also be that most trauma that people with adhd experience is caused by other things that "emotional dysregulation". Uh I hate it when "professionals" online assign one single cause to a wide problem, ESPECIALLY when that also comes with "advice" like "well just get over it". Also people demonizing emotions? "Everything bad that happens to you just feels bad because you're too emotional". Well my feelings have been completely numbed by depression for a few years and my life is, in fact, much worse than when I used to cry about everything.

If I'm not confusing anything that shrink wrote a book in which he said that you should praise your child with ADHD for anything because they will get criticized all the time.
Like I'm confused but he really wrote that book in which he talks about how ADHD is very hard to live with (he's right). And this book is kinda good. He mentioned a lot of problems caused by ADHD. Including not so obvious ones such as that your relationships might fail because you get bored with your partner. Or that people with ADHD have children with ADHD and those parents can't give their children proper habits and stability which fucks up those kids even more for example the kid won't be taught proper eating habits because parents don't have good eating habits. And then he says we're dysregulated.


I wonder if this is just plain sexism because he said the dysregulation is more crucial in women rather than men and for him emotional dysregulation is the main symptom of ADHD. And I'm like no. Lack of focus is main symptom. Men can be dysregulated emotionally as fuck but in our culture they are not allowed to express their feelings. So it's like a man with ADHD instead of crying for no reason will do hyper activity stuff such as extremal sports.
So I think it's basically once again diagnosing women with hysteria but this time hysteria is called ADHD.


And yeah as an autistic some stuff feel different to me. And yeah being alone can ruin your mind. Especially when you have social hyperactivity ADHD like me then you go crazy. So when I have autism some clothes are like fuckin unpleasant it's like wearing a tight metal brace instead of normal clothing. Not everything is extreme but mostly it's unpleasant. So for me wearing clothes is objectively more problematic and no I can't just pretend stupid metal-like t-shirt is comfy.

"People who are neurodivergent are oversensitive and exaggerate what happens to them" = neurodivergent people are a lot more vulnerable to being abused due to systemic ableism and our abusers taking advantage of our lack of social cues or thinking we won't speak out against them or have anyone that will believe us.

Yeah 100% agree. Like my peers kinda enjoyed school and I detested it bc as a neurodivergent person I was bullied. So for example I was annoying the teachers because I didn't pick up on social cues and their preferences. And then they would shout at me real hard and I was scared. I didn't know I should avoid somebody because they were in bad mood and could become violent (it doesn't take away their responsibility).

 

[amerie]

So for example I was annoying the teachers because I didn't pick up on social cues and their preferences. And then they would shout at me real hard and I was scared. I didn't know I should avoid somebody because they were in bad mood and could become violent (it doesn't take away their responsibility).

Don't go on teacher, NDcaregiver, or any type of (personality disorder) loved one subreddit as a neurodivergent person for the sake of your sanity, they talk about disabled people like Hitler talked about Jews in the 1930s.

 

[ALonelyFreak]

Don't go on teacher, NDcaregiver, or any type of (personality disorder) loved one subreddit as a neurodivergent person for the sake of your sanity, they talk about disabled people like Hitler talked about Jews in the 1930s.

Thanks for the advice you're right and I don't visit such websites.

Ok so time for an anecdote. I was on a random forum not SS not autism forum or whatever. And in a random thread a preschool teacher said that all autistic children should be taken away to special schools bc they cannot be cantrolled and he can't deal with them at all. I got sad in the moment reading that I shouldn't be mixed with normal children but I'm fine now. When you're adult it's easier to handle emotions after reading stupid shit.

 

[amerie]

Ok so time for an anecdote. I was on a random forum not SS not autism forum or whatever. And in a random thread a preschool teacher said that all autistic children should be taken away to special schools bc they cannot be cantrolled and he can't deal with them at all. I got sad in the moment reading that I shouldn't be mixed with normal children but I'm fine now. When you're adult it's easier to handle emotions after reading stupid shit.

You'd think people trained to deal with vulnerable children would have a lot more empathy and care but unfortunately I've found that it's the latter.

This is the world I guess.

 

[ALonelyFreak]

You'd think people trained to deal with vulnerable children would have a lot more empathy and care but unfortunately I've found that it's the latter.

This is the world I guess.

No in Poland I think you don't need to be trained to work with vulnerable children in order to be a teacher. You just need to be able to work with healthy children but yeah it's offtopic