Accepting that god doesn’t exist / my deconversion story

[deep-sleeper]

After being indoctrinated into christianity by my parents since birth, I finally decided to leave it behind.

I had catechesis classes since I was a kid, but I've always had this feeling that god didn't exist, so I would fluctuate between being a christian to an atheist depending on how I was feeling, but after some personal stuff happened to me, my family decided to send me to a spiritual retreat. Where I would see seemingly miraculous things and accounts. So by then I told my family that I was a Christian by now on, and I would stay that way for a bit, after a few of my questions about god got answered by apologetics. But after doing some more research I finally found a channel that provided me enough proof that god in fact, doesn't exist

Here's some of his videos, I recommend for those that are looking to do the same:

How the new testament changed over the years:

The pseudo-history of the bible:

The origins of the bible:

Faith healings debunked:

Demonic possessions debunked:

I also recommend the channel: belief it or not
The problem is that my family will never accept that I am atheist, especially after what I said. Which is one of the reasons for why I want to CTB. But being an atheist surprisingly made me less suicidal, the belief that there isn't a magical good place after death pushes me be a good person and leave this world a better place
DISCLAIMER: I am not here to have a discussion nor do I want to come back to people that don't really care about me

 

[Forever Sleep]

the belief that there isn't a magical good place after death pushes me be a good person and leave this world a better place

I've noticed this a lot with atheists- that their 'faith' or, interest/ investment as it were- is in other humans, rather than a higher power. So, all I've known have been very kind and generous people. Not to say they all are, of course. Ironically, one of the most 'Christian' people I knew- in terms of his attitude- always doing things for others, wasn't Christian at all.

I'm undecided myself. Although, I actually hope there isn't a God. For me, it's more that I can't square how this world was created (with so much suffering intrinsic to it) with a good God.

It must be difficult with such a religious family though.

 

[Adûnâi]

Oh thanks for the videos! I myself love watching MythVision for the deep dives into early Christian text criticism, see Bart Ehrman for the scholarly consensus, and then there's Richard Carrier who's all about the Jesus myth theory (it's not mainstream, but his arguments seem sound, and he's not a crackpot - it's just a fact that the earliest mentions of Jesus are in the epistles of Paul, and yet he never ever mentions an earthly Jesus, his ministry, his parables, only that he was crucified - but even that is apparently known to him from the scripture, not any "eye-witness accounts").

I loved watching DarkMatter2525 (cartoonist) a decade ago, he's one of the og atheist channels of around 2010, they were all the rage back then (Armored Sceptic, etc.).

As regards the topic - to what extent does it influence your life? Is it because you need a connection with your family? For example, can't you lie to them to get what you want? Or is it for the inner peace? Hell, I myself have been thinking if I'd ever join a church simply for socialisation (or maybe I wouldn't be able to keep the grimace of disgust from my face haha, never tried).

Definitely a profound issue, it sucks when the family are being unreasonable, it's like with politics which takes controls over people's minds, it's really sad.

 

[deep-sleeper]

As regards the topic - to what extent does it influence your life? Is it because you need a connection with your family? For example, can't you lie to them to get what you want? Or is it for the inner peace? Hell, I myself have been thinking if I'd ever join a church simply for socialisation (or maybe I wouldn't be able to keep the grimace of disgust from my face haha, never tried).

Definitely a profound issue, it sucks when the family are being unreasonable, it's like with politics which takes controls over people's minds, it's really sad.

It affects me because: I still live with my parents. They have connections to a bunch of religious people, which pressures me into not becoming a topic of gossip. And my mom is a pathological manipulator, making me feel extremely bad anytime I do something she doesn't likes

If I don't cbt this year, I will try to move to my grandmas' house next year, it will make my situation about 60% better

 

[Adûnâi]

And my mom is a pathological manipulator, making me feel extremely bad anytime I do something she doesn't likes

I see : ( Could you manipulate them if they're such simpletons? If they can't see reason, you could treat them as tools. Muslims call it Taqiyya.

 

[otoyikim]

Honestly i was never able to call myself an atheist. I guess i am an agnostic. I personally believe that if there is a god it isn't from any organized religion though if that makes sense. Sorry if my ideas come off as jumbled or uninformed, religous beliefs are sadly not my strong suit.

 

[beyondbreath]

I feel this so much. While I'm still religious, I grew up Catholic and left Catholicism and my family did not accept it at all. My suggestion would be to treat your situation as if you were a cultural anthropologist. Study it. Make theories in your mind. See it as an assignment to learn more about the world and the culture around you. I know that doesn't make it all better but this mindset could make things a bit more bearable. I know it's so hard to be forced to take part in religious activities you don't agree with or believe in. I'm so sorry you're dealing with this.

 

[Leonszabs]

Oh lord, I grew up going to Sunday School and going to church with my family. I was forced into all of this as a young child, but honestly, I never once believed in God. I only did this shit because I was forced into it, but I never once believed anything that anybody was telling me. I even had to read bible verses in front of people at Sunday School, and I also had to learn information about the bible itself. I would have to do worksheets and shit, it was so boring. I am now 23 and I still consider myself an atheist.

 

[The_Hunter]

Wishing you the best in your newfound clarity of beliefs; and I hope you are able to move fully to your grandmother's house in a swell way no hitches <3

And also—if you ever wish to individually vent any feelings about your deconversion and your history with religion, feel free to DM me anytime if you feel that would work for you.

I completely see how it can feel entrapping to be stuck around dogmatically religious family—I just want to say that the world is full of many areligious people as well, and that I hope you will meet and form connections with many of them :) Best wishes, sleeper! ^^