Venting "abused? Just accept it and move on"

[SoulWhisperer]

I have read a post online of a 37 years old man, talking about his traumatic and chaotic past in his family due to mistreatments and the like, listing all he went through and asking if he'd be eligible to sue his parents for their actions. He didn't list things such as being neglected and abandoned alone for days on end when he was a child, or that he was beaten to the point of ending up in the hospital or similar, however it was still bad bad shit that left a permanent mark on him, anxiety and trauma that has even led him to attempt suicide. With this in mind, he asked if he could get something out of suing his parents.

The replies?

The wide majority said: "spend your money on a therapist instead of lawyers, it'd be better spent". Others listed: "you just seek revenge. The best revenge is being happy in spite of them" "you don't need a lawyer, you need a good therapist or professional who can help you find your peace back instead, as you couldn't mitigate the problems you had with your family" and so on. Most said that he would genuinely get nothing out of the lawsuit, except money loss.

A single comment was a bit different and said to consider if that was the very last resort and if he had no way of patching his relationship before proceeding.

Reading all of this has made me sick to my stomach...

REALLY?? While I understand therapy may help someone and that's completely valid, but saying to just "accept it and move on"??? A guy said "it's just a thing that happens to unlucky people" another guy said "your parents were right, you should've learnt with violent discipline" (this comment was clearly a troll though so I didn't give attention to it).

Are we really telling a person that literally has gone through enough shit to LITERALLY ATTEMPT SUICIDE to just ACCEPT IT AND MOVE ON LIKE NOTHING HAPPENED?? Is this telling me that the judicial system also believes this and that violent and abusive parents get out with traumatising their kids FUCKING SCOT FREE?? IS THIS THE WORLD WE LIVE IN IN MODERN AGE??

I'm using full caps here because it's really, fucking, beyond, me. It's beyond taking my hope and trampling over it, this is a smack on my face by life itself, telling me to suck it up and get fucked.

With this level of indignation and disgust and hopelessness in me I can't feel anything if not this very concrete feeling: "Unacceptable". I simply cannot accept existing and willingfully living in a world that condones this type of human injustice.

I simply cannot on a psychophysical level accept a world that teaches you that abusive and bad people get away with their actions simply because it's seen as socially acceptable to the point of judicial systems not acting on it (the post was made in a community that revolves around local laws). Ruining someone on a physical or psychological level to the point of becoming permanent scarred is NOT OKAY and should NOT go unpunished. This psychopathic shit.

Shall I CTB I won't want to see ANY... ANY person that "has an answer ready for anything" telling me or thinking "oh well, they were just wrong and could've prevented that course of action" with a feeling of spiritual and psychological superiority. If they were capable of commenting such things I can very well envision them blaming dead people for dying too, at this point.

Man... Fuck...

 

[CTB Dream]

Ya v awfl wrld me knw exct hpn injury damage all say movon no mtr hpn wat say movon, ya ya movon movon grvyrd awfl lif awfl unvrs awfl speces

 

[Dejected 55]

Society as a whole tells most people to "get over it" on a regular basis. Hell, it happens on this site too... you see some common recurrence of at least certain types of trauma where people will post and there will be a chorus of "my problems are worse than yours so suck it up" or "that's life, get over it."

Even amongst those who ought to be the most sympathetic, you will find lack of empathy for others. Society teaches us to be selfish and not care about anyone but ourselves... and people who get the worst of it and are depressed and traumatized don't often have anywhere to really turn for a shot at help. I'm not at all surprised, unfortunately, at how that evolved in the discussion you're talking about.

 

[SanagiMezamete]

I'm sorry that reading those comments upset you so much. I think you had a reasonable reaction. Lately I've been thinking about mainstream reactions to suicide too, and how much it frustrates me.

Humans have an intense need to understand the world and to have an answer for everything. But most only seek out highly reductive one-liners and other pseudo-wisdom to assuage their discomfort about the fairness of the world as well as to inflate their ego. Additionally, most lack the self-awareness and humility to even recognize this is what they're doing. They think they're being logical. It especially takes humility to admit you don't have definitive answers, like in the case of whether someone else's suicide was the wrong decision or not. Admitting you don't or can't know something is like kryptonite to most people.

"You should have tried harder" and "you should just stop caring about it and move on" and "I survived it, so you should be able to as well" etc. So many assumptions, and so little empathy. Where to even start? They will even project their own selfishness onto the victim for wanting to have self-determination. They don't care about others whatsoever, they only want away with their own discomfort at the thought of the world being unfair and full of suffering such that it drives some people to suicide.

Using blind positivity to invalidate and dismiss victims' concerns is the easiest way to ease their discomfort and to get what they want; there is no further thinking involved. It's incredibly invalidating and the inclination seems to be inherent to human nature on some level. Few rise above this, and even fewer do who haven't personally experienced the suffering firsthand. Although unfortunately even experiencing extreme suffering yourself isn't a guarantee of empathy for others, like Dejected 55 mentioned.

 

[Lady_V]

Society loves meek and forgiving victims. That way they don't have to face the abusers all around them (or even their own abusive behaviors).

 

[sanctionedusage]

the people commenting that shit don't even realize how brainwashed they are. people in power benefit exponentially off this mindset: that bad people exist inherently, so it's fully up to the victims to just deal with it, and failure to do so is a personal issue with maturity, intelligence, or spiritual/psychological inferiority; none of these implications (jabs) which are ever directed at the perpetrators when the discussion comes up.

 

[Deepdense]

It's probably a sense of desensitization to hearing about it. It's easy to accept that it happened but it's difficult to move on. No matter how much we tell ourselves an event doesn't affect us anymore, it always will. Paranoia is probably the biggest part. You can minimize it, but never get rid of it.

 

[Pluto]