This was written 5 April 2020. The entire thing is a rant about not being "better". This was a month after my first known attempt and after my camhs sessions ended.
"future me if you're reading this I hope you're okay and clean and living your best life. Well a better one than you did when you were 14. I hope you have friends who actually care about you. Maybe a boyfriend or girlfriend. I hope you let go and learned how to love and be loved. And remember dont be ashamed of your scars don't hide them. I hope as soon as you turn 18 you got a tattoo. But well done for making it that far it can only get better from where you are"
It's so cringy. But she had so much hope that it would get better. I feel like I've failed her.
I'm 19 now and my body is covered in scars. I can't let anyone see them. I would rather wear a jumper and trousers in 30 degree heat than let my mum see my scars. I have 1 friends that truly cares for me and another friend/boyfriend who thinks he cares for me.
I'm still in the same position I was then. This time I know now it won't get better.
"future me if you're reading this I hope you're okay and clean and living your best life. Well a better one than you did when you were 14. I hope you have friends who actually care about you. Maybe a boyfriend or girlfriend. I hope you let go and learned how to love and be loved. And remember dont be ashamed of your scars don't hide them. I hope as soon as you turn 18 you got a tattoo. But well done for making it that far it can only get better from where you are"
It's so cringy. But she had so much hope that it would get better. I feel like I've failed her.
I'm 19 now and my body is covered in scars. I can't let anyone see them. I would rather wear a jumper and trousers in 30 degree heat than let my mum see my scars. I have 1 friends that truly cares for me and another friend/boyfriend who thinks he cares for me.
I'm still in the same position I was then. This time I know now it won't get better.
